


Carry On Part 3

by 398pt2forever



Series: Carry On [3]
Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, Love Confessions, Meet the Family, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:07:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27560473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/398pt2forever/pseuds/398pt2forever
Summary: This is the conclusion of Carry On. In Part 1 Jensen and Shay met and became friends. In Part 2 they grew closer before that friendship was put to the test. Now Jensen has to decide what he wants his future to look like while Shay does her best to let go of the past.
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Carry On [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2014432
Kudos: 6





	1. April 3, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time Jensen and Shay speak since his hasty departure from Vancouver.

Jensen picked up his phone and stared at it. “Fuck man, just do it already,” he mumbled aloud to himself. After he hit the dial button he waited anxiously. It wasn’t as if this was the first time he’d contacted Shay. About a week after she’d left Vancouver he’d received a batman comic over text with the simple message ‘made me laugh’. Once he sent something back, they’d begun to exchange more funny pictures, text messages, and even videos of things going on around them, but this was the first time he had attempted a live chat. 

Her face appeared on screen, but she wasn’t looking directly at him. He took a moment just to look at her before saying, “Hey you.”

“Hey!” She glanced over at the phone. “Uh-oh, you look bothered.”

“Like hot and bothered?”

She chuckled. “Always hot. But no, I meant you look like something’s bugging you.”

“Yeah. You’re in the car. Where are you headed?”

“The boy’s school. They’ve got a - not the point. What’s going on?”

“Um if you’re busy I can call another time…”

“Well, I’ve got about fifteen minutes until I get there. But I’m all yours until then.”

“Oh. Uh- well this weekend we’re all going down to do the con in Seattle. It’s gonna be the first one for me since…..since Dani died.”

“Yeah? How’re you feeling about it?”

“I, ah, nervous honestly. I swore to myself that after six months I’d go back to doing cons, but now….”

“You know you don’t have to, right? Even if that means breaking a contract or whatever, it’s still your choice. And it’s okay if you don’t want to.”

“I do want to. Sort of. I need to. I just…” he trailed off, stumped how to make the transition.

"Just what?”

“I was talking about it with Brian, and he asked if I had somebody coming to support me, and I just kept thinking….”

“You kept thinking what?”

“I kept thinking I would feel so much better about all of it if you were gonna be there.” His words spilled out so fast he barely understood them himself.

“You want me in Seattle?” Silence stretched between them as he tried to form words.

“Jensen, is that what you’re saying?”

“Yeah.” The word was more breath than sound. “I know it’s a ridiculous ask, I should have- I keep wishing I’d thought of it sooner. I could’ve invited you properly, maybe gotten Creation to get you on a panel so you’d have a reason to be there…”

“Hey, hey slow down.” He saw a small smile on her face. “I don’t need a reason. I’ll have to make some calls, see about making some arrangements, but it might be doable.”

“Are you serious?”

“Well, I can’t make any promises, but yeah, I think so.”

His exhale was so loud he heard it reverberate through the phone.

“I.. Shay, I...thank you.”

“Of course. I gotta hop out here in a second, but I’ll text you as soon as I know something.”

They signed off, and he sat for a minute unwinding. ‘Of course’, she had said. Like it was nothing. 


	2. April 7, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shay and Jensen meet in Seattle.

When Jensen got the message that Shay was five minutes out from the hotel he left his room and headed for the entrance. He was there when her car pulled up a few minutes later. After exiting the car she turned and her whole face lit up as she saw him.

“Hey you,” she said as she enveloped him in a hug so quick it was little more than impressions. Smiles, softness, and an addictively warm, fresh scent.

“Hey yourself. So, uh- if you’re up for it, one of Jason’s buddies is in this great up and coming indie band that is playing locally tonight. If we leave now, we can still make it.” He saw the moment she caught his enthusiasm.

“Sure, sounds like fun.”

*****

It was fun. The place they went to not only had music, but food and drinks and even some old fashioned arcade games and skee ball. But for him the best part of the night was the music - the feeling of being swept away by it, riding the energy with the rest of the crowd, becoming something larger than one individual could be. He was still riding the feeling of it as they left, and was happy to see a smile on Shay’s face too.

“Did you like it?” he asked, even though he had a pretty good idea.

“Yeah, they were great! I think my ears might be ringing a little bit though.”

“Do you mind if we walk?”

“Not at all. I’m still so hot, the night air feels great.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and strolled down a main street. The chill of the night was nice after the crowded and overly warm bar. There were no stars visible through Seattle’s near permanent cloud cover, but still a nice night. It felt good to forget his problems for a little while and just enjoy. Of course all his problems were still there, and time was running out.

“Hey Jensen, slow down!” Shay tugged at his arm, “What happened? You were strolling along, relaxed and happy, and then you weren’t.”

“Sorry, I was just thinking about JJ.”

“Is she okay?”

“Yeah, yeah she’s fine. My parents said they would still keep her for con weekends, but…”

“But what?”

“But I’m her father. I need to be there for her.”

“Nothing wrong with a weekend at the grandparents. Personally, my sanity depends on them.”

“I’m not talking about a weekend, I’m talking about for good. But that means I have to leave the show.”

“Woah,” she tugged on his arm again, and this time didn’t let go. “I didn’t know you were considering that.”

“I’m not. It’s done. Except when I went to tell the executives that, they asked me to take another month before making it official.” He allowed her to keep hold of his arm, but started walking again, albeit slower than before. “I don’t know why they’re waiting. Jared and I always agreed we’d go out together. Without us there’s no show. They ought to be telling the crew so they can be lining up new work.”

“Jay, I’ve met your crew. They’re fantastic. And they’ve been with you all forever, so they must have a good track record. Jobs’ll come easy.” They walked on for another few minutes. “Jensen, why do you have to leave the show?”

“Because. JJ needs me.”

“Yeah, she does. And?”

“And I can’t work in Vancouver and just come home to her on the weekends!”

“I agree. But I don’t see why she can’t live with you in Vancouver. Unless there’s some rare Canada allergy I’m not aware of?” The corners of her mouth turned up a little.

“She’s been through enough. I can’t just uproot her from her school and her friends and all the people that love her. The doctors said she needs continuity, consistency.”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense.”

They entered a park and she shivered as they passed under the trees, casting shadows even in the night. He took off his jacket and draped it over her shoulders. 

“Thank you. You know what I was just thinking about?”

He shook his head.

“My dad. Have I ever told you about him?”

“Not really. Your parents are in the business right? That’s how you got started so young?”

“Yeah. He’s a make-up and prosthetics guy. Loved doing all the horror films in the 80’s. I grew up with some pretty freaky masks and stuff around the house sometimes.” She flashed a smile. “But that’s not really what I remember most about his work from when I was a kid. What I remember is that if he went too long without a project, he faded. He was still there, he was still my dad, but it was like the difference between pastels and technicolor. Even if it meant that he worked crazy hours, or had to leave sometimes to go on location it was always worth it to have that vibrant version when I could. He was just so much more alive.”

He stopped walking, suddenly angry. “So you’re telling me it’s Hollywood or bust?”

She studied his face. “No. I just- I know how easy it can be to try to do what’s best for those you love and wind up losing part of yourself in the process.” She stepped closer placing her hands lightly against the middle of his chest. “I’d hate to see that happen to you, that’s all.”

“Besides,” she said backing up and shoving his arm with just enough force to rock his stance, “you know what I don’t remember from when I was a kid?” she started moving up a hill, beyond which there were lights and music playing. He was forced to move just to stay in her hearing range.

“What?’

“Who I went to school with when I was four years old.” She sent him a sly smile. “We could walk through a reunion of them right now, and I wouldn’t recognize a soul.”

“Well you might just get your wish,” he said striving to match her lighter tone, “it sounds like there’s a party.” They reached the crest of the hill which dropped off steeply to reveal a valley complete with a gazebo decorated in silver and white.

“Oh! How pretty!”

“Looks like a wedding.” He took her by the arm and guided her to a path on the right. “We should go this way so we don’t intrude.”

They began to wind their way along the path that traced around the mouth of the valley when she suddenly stopped. Gripping his arm, she pointed at a large bunch of balloons.

“It's not a wedding. It's a twenty-fifth anniversary. That's even better.” Her eyes sparkled and a genuine smile crossed her face.

“You’re amazing, you know that?”

“What?” her face turned up to him in wonder.

“You. Getting all excited about someone else's wedding anniversary.”

She looked back over at the party. “It's a celebration of life. That doesn’t happen enough. People are great at celebrating the beginning of things, mourning the end, but sometimes we forget to cherish the time in between.” Her eyes were dreamy, “Besides, I love found moments. It’s like the universe dropping a gift at your feet. You can never plan for them, you just have to appreciate them as they come.”

Something about her words tugged at his insides. When she looked back at him, the lights from the party below sparkled in her eyes. Cupping her face in both of his hands, he ran his thumbs over the silken skin of her cheeks. He brushed his lips at the corner of her mouth. He skimmed the curves of her upper lip, and felt her hands gripping and releasing his shirt like a kitten testing it’s claws. Coasting over the fullness of her lower lip he felt it give slightly, welcoming him in. He pulled away, resting his forehead on hers until he was under control again. 

Stepping back, he forced himself to shove his thumbs in the pockets of his jeans. He had forgotten for a moment that he had promised himself not to touch her. At the very least, she deserved to know what she was about to walk into. He glanced over and saw that she was walking slightly slower than he was, her eyes trained on the ground. He decided it was time to speak.

“I need to come clean about something.”

“Okay.”

“The hotel is hosting more than one conference this weekend.”

She nodded slowly, clearly not guessing where he was headed. 

“So they’re completely booked up. I wasn’t able to get you a room.”

“Oh,” taken aback, he could see thoughts flying across her face.

“I should have looked around at other hotels, but to be honest I didn’t worry that much about it.” He winced before the words had even finished leaving his mouth. “Shit, that sounded terrible. What I meant to say was my room is a suite and I just figured I could offer you the bed and I’d sleep on the couch. But when I checked in earlier, well, the couch is-”

“Small?”

“More like a glorified bench.” There was an awkward silence “I thought about asking the female cast if any of them had a room with doubles, but you haven’t even met most of them. I mean, I will if you want me to. They’re all really nice, I’m sure you’d get along great with any- are you  _ laughing _ at me?”

A giggle erupted before she managed to clap a hand over her mouth. 

“You are! I’m standing here afraid you’re going to think I’m the world’s most presumptive asshole because I went from respectable first kiss to bed sharing in under a minute and you’re laughing in my face!”

“I’m just imagining,” she said, still a little breathless, “walking into the lobby and announcing that there’s a bed shortage and that someone is going to have to double up with Mr. Jensen Ackles.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” his voice was a growl as he lunged playfully for her.

“No I wouldn’t.” she skipped back out of his reach and laughed again, “‘Cause we’d both be killed in the stampede.”


	3. April 8, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A snippet in the middle of the night.

Shay woke fighting for a lungful of the chilled air around her. Clutching the edge of the mattress she panted a few times trying to regulate her breathing. Finally managing a full breath, she rubbed her face against the pillow only to find it damp. Ugh, her clothes were damp as well, and her skin tacky with sweat even as goose bumps formed along her limbs. 

"Hey you okay?"

Shit. Jensen. She'd forgotten he was here. Forgotten where here was in the aftermath of the nightmare. Pushing up she swung her legs down to the floor, feeling the chill even more as she left the blankets behind.

"Yeah, just a bad dream. I'll be right back." She grabbed her duffle, grateful that it was on the way to the bathroom.

Her body fought shivers once the tile was under bare feet. Grabbing two towels, she dropped one on the floor and used the other to roughly wipe the remnants of the nightmare off her skin.

Pawing through her bag, she sighed when she realized her only other option was a sleep shirt. After buttoning it up, she looked in the mirror. It covered the top half of her thighs, but if she’d known she was going to be sharing a room she would have brought something with pants. But at least it had long sleeves. That and the fuzzy socks she had packed would go a long way toward warming her sooner. Turning off the light and exiting the bathroom, she found herself completely engulfed in darkness

Stumbling out into the darkened room she somehow managed to walk straight into a low table. She was nearly successful at muffling her curse, but helpless to quiet the thud that resulted from dropping her duffle.

“Man, you are having a bad night aren’t you?” Jensen’s sleep roughened voice rumbled in the darkness. She heard the shifting of fabric, footsteps, and then felt his hand come to rest on her back.

“It’s not a bad night, it’s just a bad ten minutes,” she answered by rote. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Come on, let’s see if we can save those toes.” Taking her hand he led her to the other side of the bed, and slid in, tugging at her to follow. Her momentary thought of protest died when she felt the warmth of the sheets under her hand. Clamoring under the blanket she reveled in Jensen’s residual body heat and scent. Both increased as he snaked his arm across her midsection and easily shifted her so that the back of her body loosely fit to the front of his. 

“Was it the one where something is after the boys?”

She had forgotten he knew about the nightmares. One of his late night phone calls had interrupted it once and he had been unprepared for her to breathlessly thank him for waking her. 

She nodded.

“How does it take them?”

Despite being toasty warm, she shuddered involuntarily.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me,” his voice was understanding as his fingers raked through her still damp hair. 

“I don't  _ know _ ," she said with frustration and despair. “There's nothing that I can see, nothing I can fight. I just know it's there, waiting. And I can’t do a damn thing to stop it.”

He gave her a little squeeze. “That sounds intense. You told me you usually go look in on them. Do you need to see them? Maybe a picture or a video chat from your parents?”

“No. No, it’s just a dream. I don’t want to wake everyone. I’m sorry I woke you.”

“I’m not.” Shay heard his murmur as she slid back toward sleep, “I’m not sorry at all.”


	4. April 8, 2017 pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A false start, the first day of the con, and Shay finally brings some heat.

Something was tickling his face. His hands didn’t move when he thought to brush it away, but he was too happy to care. Nuzzling, he pulled in the warm, sweet smell of home. Tightening his arms, he snugged their bodies even closer together. He heard a small ‘hmm’ sound and the flesh beneath his hand raised with a deep inhale. 

Coming more awake, he flexed his hands trying to assess the situation. That’s right, he had fallen asleep spooning Shay after her nightmare. But this, this was more than spooning. He was fucking  _ entwined _ . His nose and lips pressed to her neck, explaining what had woken him. Her head was pillowed on his right bicep, and that hand had worked under her nightshirt, molding a bare breast. His left arm wrapped around her waist and his hand cupping her sex over a thin layer of cotton. 

His body had obviously known his position long before his mind caught up. He was hard and unconsciously thrusting against the curve of her ass. He bit back a groan as he fought to still his movements, and discovered not all the movement was on his part. Shay’s hips were flexing as well, and he could even feel tiny muscles at the apex of her thighs pulsing, holding his hand tight against her. He pulled his hand away, unable to contain the groan when her hips bucked, trying to follow. Sliding his other hand off of her breast he urged her to shift onto her back.

“Are you awake?” he breathed into her ear.

“Hmm,” her sound of approval was matched by the faint curve of her lips.

Dragging his lips along the curve of her ear, “Is this what you want?” he let his free hand smooth down her neck and over her collarbone. 

Both her hum of approval and her smile were more emphatic than before, but it still wasn’t enough.

“Give me the words baby. I need to know… be sure...”

Her eyes fluttered open. She brought one hand to his face, caressed his cheek, and then pulled him down so his ear hovered over her lips.

“Want you Jay.” She nipped his earlobe, sending him into overdrive before suckling the pain away immediately. “Wanted you for so long.”

Thought fled and he was kissing her hard, pulling her in as tightly as he could. When she pulled him atop her, he pressed both knees between her legs, feeling her urgency. Spreading her legs wide he settled his aching length against her core, the heat blissful even with the layers of cotton in the way. The friction of the move set something loose in Shay. She bowed up, her head thrown back, the tendons of her neck outlined clearly for him to graze with his teeth and lips. Another slow, useless thrust brought pitiful noises from her throat as he continued to kiss his way down, tugging the sleepshirt with him until a breast came into view. He laved it with gentle pressure and was rewarded by fingernails scraping through his hair and pulling him toward her forcefully, demanding more. Encircling the entire nipple with his lips, he sucked hard and heard her moan out in pleasure. The sound spurred him to thrust faster and he felt the moisture that had seeped through both her underwear and his.

Bang! Bang! Bang! The noise caused them both to jump. 

“Jensen! You missed breakfast man! We got photo ops in 15 minutes.” Jared’s voice called through the door. A pause. “Come on buddy, answer me so I know you’re up. Don’t make me come in there and drag you outta bed.”  
“Fuck!” The word exploded out of Jensen louder than he had intended. “I’m up okay? Just leave me alone!” he yelled back at the door.

“I bought coffee,” Jared sing-songed in return.

The huff that came from Shay was half pained, half amused. “Just go,” she whispered covering her face, “before he wakes up the whole damn floor.”

Slinking to the door, he cracked it open to Jared’s grin. His friend’s eyes scanned what he could of the hotel room as he passed over the coffee.

“What are you doing?” Jensen asked, fighting the instinct to turn and make sure nothing of Shay’s was visible.

“Just wondering if I should have brought two cups,” Jared smirked, “thought I heard some pretty interesting noises right before I knocked.”

Jensen’s halfhearted “Fuck you,” and door slam were met with laughter from the hallway.

“Fifteen minutes!” he called in farewell.

He returned to find Shay leaning against the wall that had obscured her from Jared’s prying eyes. She held a rueful smile on her face even as her cheeks flared with color.

“I am so sorry,” he started.

“Don’t be.” She took a deep breath, her eyes trained on the floor. “It’s probably better this way.”

“What do you mean?” If she had changed her mind, someone was gonna die. Probably him. Definitely Jared.

“If you’re gonna get interrupted, better the previews than the main event right?” Her smile kicked up a notch, but she still wasn’t making eye contact. 

He moved in closer, stepping into her gaze. “Why won’t you look at me?”

“I-” her eyes drank in his face greedily before she turned and pressed one burning cheek to his shoulder. “Because if I do you’re definitely going to be late. And I came here to help you with this con, not be another reason for you to skip it.”

Relief flooded into him even as the breath he was holding rushed out. 

“Okay. But that main event ...later?”

“Later,” she promised.

*****

Arms and legs trembling, Shay let herself roll to her back. Panting up at the ceiling, she finally conceded. She could take no more. She let her eyes drift closed, still breathing heavily. Not the way she wanted to get her legs shaking, but it’d do, she thought to herself, wincing as she pushed into an upright position and sanitized the equipment she had used in the hotel’s fitness center. 

Checking her watch she realized she had been there for nearly an hour. She headed back to the room to get cleaned up. Perhaps it had been cowardly of her to dash downstairs while Jensen was in the shower, but it had seemed easiest. He hadn’t taken any clothes with him when he went into the bathroom and she was NOT going to sit and gawk when he came out in a towel. 

Letting herself into the room, she stepped into the bathroom to start the shower. The scent of Jensen’s cologne hit her like a physical force. Arousal punched into her with enough force that her steps faltered. The physical exertion from the workout had not diminished her desire, only superseded it for a little while. Stripping out of her workout gear, she placed her toiletries in the corner of the tub before getting in. 

She ignored those feelings while she shampooed and conditioned her hair. She thought the fresh smell of her products would cut through the earthy, woody scent of the cologne, but she was wrong. It hadn’t even made a dent. If anything, the heat from the shower seemed to intensify the smell. It wrapped around her, sensitizing her skin as she washed. When she reached the juncture of her thighs her hand started moving in a familiar rhythm. In no time she had one hand bracing on the wall and was cumming into her other hand, harsh breaths echoing in the small room. 

“Oh shit,” she moaned into her supporting arm as she realized that her climax had given her release, but no real relief. Her body was ready for round two pronto. “I don’t have time for this.” She savagely twisted the shower handle and yelped when the water switched abruptly to cold. Forcing herself to stand there until she shivered, she nearly laughed out loud when she found herself thinking that no matter which route Jensen had taken to get ready for his photo ops, she had now followed directly in his footsteps.

*****

They were finishing out the second hour of photo ops when Jensen and Jared got a bit of a breather. As usual for the group photos, the fans had brought tons of props that made the pictures way more fun, but also gave people a little more time to talk to the guys. Normally that was fine, but today would have preferred the kind where he sat in a chair and had each person come up for the time it took to smile for a photo and be on their way. A commotion went up in the hallway and strengthened as the door opened

“Time for the three way?”

“Sounds like. Misha’s probably giving them all high fives or something.”

“Or voting stickers.” The sound of Misha’s whoop was clear even over all the noise the fans in the room were making about his entrance.

“What’s that about?” Before he could finish the question a laugh floated through the room telling him that Shay had arrived.

“Can you see who he’s talking to?” Jared questioned.

“No, he’s right behind the lighting umbrellas," he replied, playing dumb.

Seconds later Misha appeared, Shay tucked under his arm, her face still lit with laughter. Jared rushed toward them scooping Shay up and twirling her around.

“What the hell are you doing here girl?” He carried her over to Jensen and settled her back on her feet.

“I was in town to visit a friend, and when I found out about the convention I had to check it out.” She turned to him, keeping her smile exactly the same and leaned in for a hug. He grasped her in return and pressed his cheek briefly to her hair. 

The photographer stepped forward. “Ms. Martin, Bill Meyers. Saw 

the show this week, and I gotta say, you nailed it. If you’ve got a second I’d love to do the whole love triangle thing you all were playing on the show.”

“Oh, that’d be fantastic. Thank you.”

They begin with a pose of Shay standing between them. She turns to Jared and they both smile, their eyes full of warmth and that little sparkle that might be more. On his side, Jensen wraps his hand around her upper arm, keeping his fingers apart to make it easy for the camera to see them digging in. He makes his face hard, distrustful. When she turns to him, he looks over and sees Jared has looped her hand through his arm, covering it with his other hand and is still looking at her fondly. Jensen keeps his jaw hard, letting lust blaze through his eyes as he reaches up to cup her cheek. In response he sees desire take over her face even as she leans her upper body back slightly, expressing her uncertainty. 

“I love it. Okay, move around a little bit, let’s get everybody in profile.”

They slip into a pose more along the lines of his soap opera days, Shay looking up into his face, but keeping a tiny bit of distance by placing a hand on his chest, while Jared lined his body up flush with hers, his gaze directed at the broad hand he had flexed against her outer thigh.

“Oh yeah, now give it to me full Vampire Diaries. Keep the pose but everybody put eyes on the camera,” Bill directed. “Beautiful, beautiful.”

“Come on, there’s got to be some way I can get in on this,” Misha whined.

They shuffled, Jared automatically taking a spot behind Shay, wrapping one arm around her, his large hand covering her from waistband to just under her breasts. Jensen moves in on her left side, draping her hair around the other shoulder, and pulling the loose fitting wrap and the straps beneath off that shoulder leaving it bare. Straddling her leg he leans in, nudging her ear with his nose and lips until she tilts her head away in surrender. Misha comes in from the right, taking her hand pulling it up to his cheek and touches his lips to the inner side of her wrist.

“Gorgeous,” Bill called. Shay, give me eyes, chin angles, yup and inhale. Got it. That’s the shot right there. Can’t make ‘em hate you anymore than that.”

A call came from someone waiting in line. “Mr photographer man, I want that pose.”

“That’s it, I’m claiming it. It’s called the Martin, and you guys are gonna be doin’ it all day.” Shay’s chuckle turned into a shriek and he realized Jared was taking advantage of his hands on her ribcage to tickle her mercilessly. Making eye contact with Misha they both dove in as well, and he heard the click of the camera as Shay writhed in laughter.

*****

Shay sat in the greenroom happily chatting with Brianna and Rob about music. Brianna had introduced her to Rob when he recognized her from the video shown at Jensen’s birthday party.

The door connecting the greenroom to the photo op room slammed open as Jensen stormed in. He stopped midway into the room and searched for another door furiously. Not finding one he stomped to the farthest table and slammed his hands down on it. Jared whisked past her, nearly making her miss the sight of Jensen pulling something out of his pockets balling it up and throwing it at the wall with full force. Jared approached and flinched at Jensen's growl.

“Don't. Just don't. Not right now man.”

Jared turned back looking wounded. Shay was already at her feet, and went to Jared, wrapping her arms around him. He held on to her for long minutes. When he eased back she patted her hand over his heart and started past him. He caught her arm.

“You heard him,” he murmured.

Shay smiled and touched his cheek, “Jared, why do you think I’m in Seattle?” she asked softly.

His face crinkled in confusion. “To visit your friend.”

Shay nodded and then looked pointedly at Jensen’s back.

“ _ Jensen _ is your friend.”

“You’re all my friends. But yeah, one in particular asked me to be here. So let me be here.” Smiling gently she moved past him.

Jensen was sitting now, his forehead propped in one hand, elbow on the table. Approaching on the other side she gently leaned her hip against his shoulder. When he didn’t object, she put a hand on his neck and gently scratched through the short hair at the nape of his neck. She continued wordlessly until she saw a deep shuddering breath work its way through him. 

Moving her hand lower she squeezed his neck a few times and then shifted to stand behind him beginning to work his neck with two hands. After a minute Jensen straightened off of the table, and sank back in the chair, resting his head back into her midsection. She transferred her attention to his shoulders and continued kneading until she felt him release some of the tension that had been holding them tight. She gave him another minute before letting her hand drift lower, to settle over his heart and gave it a light pat, much as she had done with Jared. Jensen reached up, squeezed her hand and kissed the back of it briefly. Then he stood, returned to Jared, clapping him on the back and headed back out the door without a word to anyone.

“What in the hell was that?” 

Shay had missed Brianna crossing the room and was surprised to find the other woman beside her. “I honestly don’t know,” she replied. Her eyes snagged on a scrap of paper near her foot, and she bent to pick it up. She unfolded it and smoothed it onto the table as if the four numbers on it would help explain what had just happened. Brianna moved around the table and was picking up something, or many somethings off the floor near the wall.

“No. Oh no, poor Jensen,” the other woman crooned.

“What is it?” Rob had joined them around the table. Brianna started laying out other pieces of paper. Some were scraps like the one Shay had found, but several were notes with the hotel’s logo. It was the sight of one of these with the name Mya and another four digit number that cemented the idea in Shay’s brain.

“Room numbers. People must have been pushing them into his hand one at a time when they came up to take pictures or get autographs. And he just kept shoving them into his pockets until he couldn’t take it anymore. Jesus, there must be a dozen of them.” 

“More.” Rob bent to pick up more papers that Brianna had missed. He unfolded one that was an entire 8x11 sheet of paper. “That’s,” he turned the paper horizontally and looked at it. “Fuck. That’s not even sexy. It’s just disturbing.” He crumpled the paper up and tossed it into a nearby trash can.

“They’re all disturbing.” Brianna angrily picked up one, and tore it in half. “ They’re rude,” she tore another, “and disrespectful, and- and-.” she continued ripping notes even as she ran out of words. 

“Vulgar,” Shay suggested ripping one as well, “presumptuous.” 

“They’re fucking insulting is what they are,” Brianna finished on a huff. They all gathered the ragged pieces of paper and put them in the trash. They stood awkwardly for a moment and then the door opened and two servers came in with carts of food.

“Well, before we eat, I think I’m going to go wash my hands,” Shay threw a grim smile at the other two, “twice.”

*****

As soon as the elevator doors closed Jensen sagged against the mirrored wall. The panel had been brutal. He knew the convention organizers had instructed the audience not to bring up Daneel or her passing, but several comments and condolences had been made at the beginning of the question and answer section anyway. The whole day had been the longest, most turbulent convention day he could remember. 

“You okay there bud?”

He looked at Jared standing next to him and Shay on the opposite wall looking up at him from under her lashes. “Yeah,” he answered Jared. “Yeah, I’m okay. Thanks for doing the thing.” Jared had spoken to the audience when he had stepped off stage briefly, explaining that for him to finish the panel he needed the fans to stick to talking about the show or other questions that didn’t pertain to his personal life. 

“Sure thing,” Jared gave him a friendly punch to the arm as the elevator dinged, “See you at dinner?” At his grunt Jared exited, nodding to them both. It was a short trip to his room two floors above.

As Jensen pulled the key card from his pocket and opened the door he began, “Shay, With everything that's happened today if you've changed your mind ….”

Stepping through the door she stopped two steps in so that as he closed the door he was only inches away. She pulled him down into a firm kiss and plastered her body along the length of his. Wrapping his arms around her waist he leaned her back, taking advantage of the moment of surprise to slide his tongue into her mouth. She tasted every bit as good as he remembered. She moaned into his mouth and they stumbled into the room, their hands sliding over each other pushing off jackets, never breaking the kiss until he pulled her tank over her head. Catching sight of her ivory curves rising out of a pink flowered bra, he heaved a sigh and dropped his forehead to rest in her collar bone, his lips whispering along the top of her breast.

“Shay you are so beautiful. I wanna do this right but I swear to God I’m afraid I might explode before I even get all the way inside you.” 

Taking his face in both her hands, she kissed him again, just enough to suck on his bottom lip before pulling away. She waited until he opened his eyes and then never breaking eye contact slowly sank to her knees.

“What are you doing?”

A wry smile crossed her face. “Making sure you explode before you get all the way inside me.”

“But I-”

“Jensen” she cut him off with only his name. She slid her hands under his shirt, mapping his ribs, his pecs by touch without ever taking her eyes from his face. “I’ve been watching you today. And all day long I saw you giving.” Her hands glided down his sternum, over his navel to the waist of his pants. “Giving your time and attention, giving genuine affection to your fans all day long.” Her thumbs were tracing out over his hips, and then slipped below his clothes to trace under the waistband. “I want to give you this. Let me.” He jerked as she brushed against the tip startling him. The movement had broken their eye contact, but when he looked back she was still watching him. Waiting. As if any man could say no to this goddess kneeling in front of him. Swallowing hard, he nodded, feeling unable to speak.

She unfastened his jeans and released the zipper, then in one smooth motion pulled both jeans and boxers down to mid-thigh. He watched as she ran her fingers up his shaft. He saw the moment she realized he exceeded the entire length of her hand, and watched her eyebrows rise as she encircled him and was barely able to make her thumb and finger meet. 

Shit, he had forgotten about this. He hadn’t been with anyone other than Daneel in years, hadn’t needed to ease a new partner’s apprehensions. But she began to rub her cheek against his hip making him twitch when her warm breath blew over him. Taking hold of his hips she pushed back gently saying only, “Sit down big guy, so I can reach you better.” He perched on the edge of the bed and she pulled his jeans and boxers down to his ankles, pushing his knees wide again so she could lean in. She raked her nails lightly up the sensitive skin of his inner thighs. “Promise me something?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he choked out.

“Let me know if I do anything you don’t like,” she touched the tip of her tongue to him. “Or anything you do.” She took him into her mouth, moving her tongue over him slowly.

He groaned. “Anything Shay. I’ll like anything you do.” Looking up at him she paused until he met her gaze with his own. She shook her head no to let him know that wasn’t good enough. “Oh God that! That was fucking awesome, okay?” The corners of her mouth ticked up and she made an ‘mm-hmm’ sound around him. She repeated the motion, dragging her tongue along the underside as she moved her head back and forth. She did it over and over, taking him slightly deeper each time. 

He gripped the sheets beside his hips. The tension was building fast. He wasn't sure how long he could last. She reached for his hand and loosened his grip from the sheets and brought it to her, pushing his fingers into her hair. He wrapped the gold silk around his hand and gloried in her moan sending vibrations through him.

“Oh God, you like that don’t you baby?” Another noise escaped her.

“Yeah you do. Like having my hands in your hair, hearing me call you baby.” She nodded yes, the movement more than he could take. Yanking her mouth back up to his, he drew in her taste and let go. A minute later, still panting, he managed to get one hand back onto the bed to hold himself up. 

“I uh, I might need a minute. Or a week,” he mumbled. Shay chuckled and kissed his chin before standing up and moving away. He fell backwards onto the bed, not caring about his legs dangling off the end or his boots and jeans still pooled around his ankles. He heard her turn on the water in the bathroom sink, but then drifted to a place where he was unaware of anything until he felt her push a warm washcloth into his hand. 

He used it to clean himself up and handed it back when Shay held her hand out for it. Her other hand raked through his hair.

"Rest for a bit. We've got almost an hour before we're supposed to meet downstairs for dinner.”


	5. April 8, 2017 pt. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What can I say? it was a long day, and an even longer night!

Shay walked through the deepening twilight, enjoying having a handsome man on either side of her. Most of the Supernatural crew had returned to the hotel earlier in order to get ready for the Saturday night concert. Only she, Jensen, and Misha had stayed at the restaurant to take care of the bill and finish off the last bottle of wine together.

“So, I guess the next time I see you we’ll be back in LA. Three weeks right?” Misha bumped her shoulder with his own. 

Shay groaned. “Don’t remind me. I’ll start getting nervous all over again. I am  _ so _ glad you’re coming down. Are you sure Vicki won’t come? You all could bring the kids, make a weekend of it.”

“Nah, Vicki hates these things.”

“Hey, I get it. That’s why I appreciate you making the trip.” She shakes her head a little sadly. “I would not want to go on my own.” She looked at Jensen, remembering his struggle to overcome shyness. “What about you? How do you stay so suave on the red carpet?”

“Oh, you know,” he arched an eyebrow wickedly, “imagine them in their underwear.”

They were still laughing when they reached the hotel. Misha waved as he headed toward the convention rooms, wanting to catch part of the show. Miraculously, no one stopped them in the lobby, and somehow they got an elevator to themselves. Stepping in behind her Jensen nipped at the right side of her neck, just below her ear. Her breathing hitched and she unconsciously tilted her head, offering him more. She felt the scruff on his face scratch against the skin as he nosed her hair out of the way before nipping a spot that caused a small shiver to run through her. The elevator dinged and two women got on, pushing the button for the restaurant on the top floor. Shay tried to steady her breathing. Desire was still running close to the surface, and although she never looked back she would swear she could  _ feel _ his eyes on her. That intensity didn’t waver in the hallway or as they entered their room. When she started to turn back to him, he caught her arms and spun her forward again.

“Nu-uh. I wanna see if the other side works just as well.” With deliberate slowness he gathered her hair into one hand, pulled the collar of her shirt away with the other, and set his lips at her hairline.

Shay’s eyes fluttered shut and she offered a tiny nod.

“Tell me. I want to hear you. Is this side as good as the other?”

Air shuddered out of her. “Better.” She felt the scrape of his teeth at the back of her shoulder. A small moan escaped. “Oh, Jensen, you do that and I can feel it-” her words broke off.

He wrapped his arm around her, centering his large hand over her solar plexus. “Here?” he rumbled directly behind her ear.

“Lower” her voice was a whisper.

His hand slides, the width of it easily covering her navel and lower stomach. “Here?”

She shook her head. “Lower,” she repeats.

He doesn’t ask again. Cupping his hand around her, he worked at the curve of her neck and shoulder with a kiss that is equal parts lips, teeth, and tongue.

She tried to urge him on, but what came out was some inelegant, undecipherable sound. Her head lolled to the side even as her body undulated between the firm hold of his hand and the hard press of his body at her back. The hand not cradling her tugged her shirt from the waist of her jeans, and she eagerly helped him pull it up over her head.

He pulled her back into him, looking over her shoulder to where pale skin met black lace. His hands drifted up over her sides teasing the swell of her breast then tracing the strap up to her shoulder. Rather than remove the garment, Shay folded the cups in half, tucking them under the flesh in a deft maneuver. Stepping around her, he tugged at the black satin around her ribs. Finding the bed with the back of his legs he sat and pulled her up to stand between his legs. She watched his full lips skim over her skin. The heat of his breath, the moisture from his mouth caused goosebumps to flare.

Desperate to touch him as well, she took hold of the back of his shirt, pulling it up and off of him. He helped her with his clothes, but his attention never left her. Her head fell back, her eyes closed as he lapped and nibbled his way down her body. Shay crooned in approval, her hands gliding over his smooth skin, feeling the strength of the muscles underneath. Wanting to free him of his jeans she reached between them, but he caught her hand and nudged her back a step. 

He rose up, towering over her, “Nuh-uh. You did that plenty this afternoon.” He captured her mouth in a long, patient kiss holding her there until she melted, softened under his touch.

Then he turned her, laying her back on the bed and following her down. Breaking the kiss she saw his eyes were heavily lidded, the pupils wide with desire. “It’s your turn now.” He leaned back in to drop kisses down the front of her throat.

“Jensen, you don’t have to- oh God,” she broke off as he palmed the weight of her breasts, lifting them, massaging under and around the sides as he continued to worship her with his mouth. He hummed his approval as her fingers skated over his head, showing him what she liked by scratching her fingers over his scalp or tugging at his hair in turn.

He unbuttoned her jeans, peeling them down her legs, pulling them and her heels off in one easy move. He left the scrap of black lace that matched the bra still strapped around her ribs. He pushed her knees wide, the prickle of his jaw scratching at the tender skin of her thigh. When he neared the triangle of black lace Shay panicked, grabbing his hair and giving a sharp yank. 

“Ow!” Jensen looked up at her in confusion.

“Sorry, sorry!” Shay sat up wrapping her arms around his neck, leaning in for a kiss. “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she whispered, “I just can’t wait anymore.” 

She tugged him up on the bed with her, their bodies finding an instinctive fit, rocking into each other desperately. 

*****

Jensen though he was going to lose his mind. His body was on fire, needy to the point of pain. Months of celibacy pressed against his skin. Despite that afternoon’s activities, he was afraid this might be over far too fast. A through struck him and he pushed up to his hands and knees, letting out a pained sound. “Fuck,” he swore, punching a fist into the bed.

He felt Shay’s shoulders shake in a soundless chuckle. “Getting there, I promise,” she told him breathlessly.

He raked his hand through his hair. “No I, I meant to stop on the way back to get condoms.”

“Oh,” Shay propped herself up on her elbows, her face stunned. Clearly she hadn’t been expecting this turn of events anymore than he had. “They might have them in the store downstairs,” she thinks aloud.

He launched himself off the bed, sweeping his shirt off the floor. “Gimme fifteen minutes.”

“Jensen,” she grabbed at his shirt before he pulled it on, “probably half the people down there are wearing lanyards with your face on them.”

“Shit.”

“I'll go,” she offered. “Or we could call the concierge and ask about having them brought up.”

Hope flared. “Yeah,” he leaned in and kissed her quickly. “That’s what we’ll do.” He moved around the side of the bed, toward the phone.

“Jensen, um, are you….” Shay trailed off, clearly not sure how to proceed.

He looked back at her. “What?”

She got to her feet slowly and came forward, laying a hand on his chest. There was open concern on her face. “Well I mean, you didn't ask about me, so do you ….. have something?” 

He studied her a moment longer before nodding slowly. His face turned grim in understanding. “Sperm.”

The giggle that erupted out of her broke his act. Their laughter builds on itself until they are both gasping for air When it died down, she reached up and touched his face. “But you're okay. Healthy?”

“Yeah.” He slid a lock of her hair through his fingers. “Totally clean.”

Shay smiled. “Me too. But you should probably know my birth control is only good for another,” her eyes narrowed, thinking hard, “um maybe two years.”

“Two years.”

She shrugged, “Give or take.”

He grabbed the back of her neck, kissing her hard. When he pulled back, he’s smiling. Laying her on the bed, Jensen threw off the rest of his clothes, stumbling only briefly with his boots. He laid down on his side facing her and drew her close. Kissing her, he pulled her leg up over his hip. They rocked into each other and he absorbed the little noises of pleasure that came from her. He wanted inside of her like he wanted air, but he forced himself to go slow. He wanted her to be able to set the speed and depth of their joining. But Shay didn’t seem to realize what he was doing, because she had hooked her calf around his leg and was trying to pull him on top of her. 

“Damn it Shay, stop.” She jerked back at his growl like he had hit her. “No, baby, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” He lay soft kisses over her face. “But I can’t be on top. Not this time. I want you too bad to be careful, and I don’t wanna hurt you.” Her hesitant eyes rose to his face, and whatever she saw must have reassured her, because the next second she began kissing him again. She lifted herself over him and straddled his torso. Then she slowly lowered down, not taking him inside, but settling her most intimate parts to his. He hissed as the heat of her covers his sensitized skin. 

“You okay?” Her voice was breathy as she began to move, to glide.

“Fuck yeah. Baby, you are so hot.” He’s mesmerized by the sensuous roll of her hips as she slides over him. He hears a sharp intake of breath and her heat flared even hotter than before.

On the next exhale she lifted up and suddenly he was engulfed, tip to root. His hands gripped her hips, a long groan escaping when their movements matched up. They climbed together until he sensed they were about to reach the peak. 

“You ready baby? Wanna see you let go. Wanna feel it.”

She shook her head, trembling. “You first.  _ Need _ you to-”

“Together,” he told her. One hand reached up to cup her cheek, the other down to the very heat of her. “We’ll do it together.”

  
  
  


*****

Shay was nearly asleep when she felt Jensen shift next to her. 

“You know what I could go for?” He stroked a hand over her bare back.

“Hmm-mm,” she hummed snuggling in closer to his side.

“Dessert. They have this brownie a la mode with strawberries and hot fudge. How’s that sound?”

Her eyes cracked open to see him grinning. “Decadent,” she smiles back. 

“Hell yeah it does.” He bounced off the bed and picked up the phone to call room service. 

She lay in a happy daze for a while, but when she shifted she felt a cold stickiness between her thighs. Rolling toward the bathroom she told him. “I’m gonna clean up. Be back in a bit.”

She stayed in the shower a while, letting the hot water work it’s magic on the slightly sore muscles and smiling as she remembered how they got sore in the first place. 

As she climbed out, she heard voices from the bedroom. Must be room service. She took her time with her skin care routine, removing all the makeup, using specialized serums and creams on her face before putting on the body lotion. As she did most nights, she sighed a little when she came to her breasts and her belly. 

Motherhood was a blessing, but it sure could wreak havoc on a body. Her belly had a slight paunch under her navel that came from the rearranging of muscles and organs during pregnancy that no amount of exercise seemed able to affect. Her breasts, a mere B-cup before pregnancy and breastfeeding had swollen to a double D-cup at their fullest. They had settled into a respectable C now, but weren’t nearly as high or firm as she would have liked. And both areas were striped with iridescent looking stretch marks. Several people had encouraged her to go for a little nip and tuck to ‘fix’ her, but so far she had refused. “I grew  _ people _ in there,” she whispered to the mirror, “it’s  _ supposed _ to look like that.” The look on her reflection’s face said it didn’t quite believe her. She pulled the terry cloth robe from the back of the door and wrapped it around her before exiting the bathroom. 

She found Jensen sitting on the bed naked, digging into what had probably begun as a beautiful dessert.

“You gotta come try this,” he told her. He held out a spoon and she scooped up a bite of the chocolatey gooey mess. 

“Good,” she said after she spooned it into her mouth. “Mmm. Really good,” she added a second later. After taking a second bite, she licked her spoon clean saying, “No, that’s all for me, you finish the rest.”

Jensen cocked his head looking at her. “Are you cold?’

“No.”

“Then what’s with the robe?” He got to his knees and tugged her over to stand by the bed. “Don’t tell me you’re shy. ‘Cause it’s a little late for that.”

Shay laughed. “Yeah, well you were a little preoccupied earlier.”

“Mm-hmm. Preoccupied with everything that’s under this robe.” He pulled at the belt as she pretended to fight against him. “What? Did Hollywood say you’re fat? ‘Cause I ain’t down with that!”

She rounded her eyes and mouth comically in fake shock. “Ohhh, if you say Baby Got Back I  _ will _ kill you.”

He pulled the robe off of her to the beat of his words. ”Cause I don’t want none unless you got buns honey.” She shrieked with laughter as he picked her up, arms pinned by the robe and spun her onto the bed trapping her under him. She giggled helplessly as he tickled her until they were panting and his breath against her neck started to have a distinctly different effect. 


	6. April 9, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sooner or later, all good weekends must come to an end.

Cuckoo, cuckoo. Cuckoo, cuckoo.   
Grunting with effort, Shay leaned herself far enough over to grab her phone from the night stand.  
"What the hell was that?"  
She glanced over her shoulder at Jensen's sleep roughened voice. "Alarm. I've got an early flight." He pouted before drawing her back into his arms. "Nuh-uh. Don’t want you to go. Get a later one.”  
She smiled and nuzzled his arm. "Can’t. It's the only one with open seats they had."  
His arms flexed, holding her in place as he stretches, his hard body pushing against her. "Want you one more time," he whispered into her ear.  
"Again?" Her voice was a question, but she's already arching her back, tilting her hips back to meet him  
"Again."  
He slid in slowly, feeding her inch by inch until they were fully joined. She rocked into him, careful not to break the slow, sensuous rhythm he’d set.   
"Hmm, so tight. So good baby." He murmured, his lips against the curve of her ear. His hands slid over her finding points of pleasure, building the tension she felt inside. Sensation swells, like the movement of the ocean until finally it crested, the waves of it pushing her forward as she found her release.   
He kisses the back of her shoulder, breathing heavily before settling back down into the bed with a satisfied sigh.   
Fearful of falling back asleep cocooned in his warmth, Shay inched forward only to have his arms tighten around her. Rolling, she pressed her cheek to his.   
“Have to shower. It’s still super early. Try to sleep a little bit longer.”  
Half asleep already, he responded with a short grunt. As quietly as she can she gathered all of her belongings and took them into the bathroom. She packed everything into her case except what she’ll wear and carry through the airport. Checking the time on her phone she took a brief shower, only bothering with the most basic makeup. Double checking that she has left nothing behind, she crept out of the bathroom. She paused in the darkened room, looking over Jensen’s sleeping form. Something fluttered inside her chest, but after a long moment she forced herself to turn and leave the room.   
In the elevator she arranged an Uber to the airport, and she managed to snag a coffee in the lobby before she went out to catch her ride. Looking out the car window at a cloudy Seattle sunrise, she felt the flutter in her chest swell and suddenly she was swamped by emotion. She blinked rapidly against the prickle she felt against the back of her eyelids, and took another sip of coffee, trying to push the feeling down.   
God what was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she just bask in the glow of the last 24 hours? Why did she have to want so much more? A weekend of sex, no matter how phenomenal didn’t mean he was suddenly going to be looking for something from her. And no matter how much she wanted more didn’t mean she could give it. After all, she had been a shit wife. And that was when she had been willing to give her whole self. Now her boys came first and she knew her career was necessary to her sense of self. Jensen deserved someone who was willing to give him everything.  
This weekend hadn’t been about more. Hell, it hadn’t even been about her. It was about Jensen, and helping him get back to the things that used to be normal in his life. The show was one thing. He’d rushed back to that to give him something to focus on other than the pain. But other things, things that made him feel vulnerable, he’d given himself a timeline. Six months before he pushed himself back into conventions, opening himself up to interacting with the fans, appearing onstage not as a character, but as himself.  
Had he given himself another, much more personal timeline? Not likely, not after the emotional backlash that had happened with the kiss in Vancouver. But maybe, she thought, that had been the motivation. She knew first hand that part of healing from the loss of a spouse included the acceptance of intimacy with a new partner. She could almost hear the therapy session. Think of the people in your life that you trust. Check. Choose someone with whom you have sexual chemistry. Check. Select a neutral location. Check. Set an easily contained period of time. Check. Jesus, they might as well have ticked off every box on a get back in the saddle instruction pamphlet.  
Maybe sex had been the point of this weekend. Or maybe that advice had been percolating in the back of his mind, making it easier for him to accept the events as they unfolded. Honestly, she had wanted him badly enough that she would have said yes either way. And considering she had never been good at casual sex, it was no wonder she was feeling blowback from the situation. She only hoped Jensen didn’t suffer too much from his own, and that their friendship was strong enough to withstand the combined force.


	7. April 22, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More than one friend has an unexpected influence over the burgeoning relationship between Shay and Jensen.

This was a bad idea. Scratch that, this was a terrible idea. Silently Jensen fumed, cursing Misha. Checking the phone the Uber driver had mounted to the dash, he saw the trip should be done in the next ten minutes. He looked at his phone and considered calling Shay. Again. But now that he was so close, what was the point? 

Misha had woken him this morning with an insane request. Take his place going to LA today to escort Shay to the Spirit Film Awards this evening. He had protested, still half asleep, but Misha had steamrolled right over that. 

“Look, I promised I’d be there, but Vicki came down with some stomach bug and I can’t leave town right now. Shay has a real shot at winning, but she wasn’t even going to attend until I said I’d go with her. I can’t just leave her hanging.” Then he dropped the bomb. “I already called the airlines and transferred the ticket into your name. You’ve got an hour to get packed and get to the airport. And don’t forget to take a tux.”

Somehow he was at the gate waiting for the plane before he texted Misha back for more details.  _ Hey, what am I supposed to do when I get there? Did you have a place to stay too?  _ The reply came a few minutes later.  _ Yeah, I don’t have the info in front of me, but I’ll send it to you as soon as I can.  _

Jensen’s boarding group was called to board the plane. He settled into his seat, wondering if he’d be able to sleep on the flight. Then the passenger next to him plopped down, and immediately recognized him. She babbled on for so long, the flight attendant had come around, and seeing Jensen’s phone in his hand, she had requested he put it into airplane mode. 

Misha’s text was waiting for him once he landed in LA. He grabbed a ride and kicked back, knowing that LA traffic meant he wouldn’t be getting anywhere soon. Thirty minutes later he looked around and realized they were headed away from the city. Googling the address he had given the driver, he saw it was a private residence.

_ Misha, did you just send me to Shay’s house instead of a hotel? _

_ Well, it’s where I was staying. _

_ You couldn’t have told me!? What did she say when you told her I was coming instead of you? _

The three little dots indicating a response was being written went on for far too long. 

_ DUDE! Have you talked to her at all??? _

_ I meant to, but then Maison started puking too, and well…. Chaos. _

He wanted to be pissed, but multi-person vomit was something he wouldn’t wish on anyone. He called Shay immediately, but it went straight to voicemail. He switched back to text,  _ Hey, what are you up to right now?  _ He waited anxiously, but no response ever came.

The car pulled to a stop. He looked up, surprised to see nothing more than a short driveway and a garage. But the house number matched the text Misha had sent, so he climbed out of the car with his small roller bag. He was still looking for a door when the car pulled away. Great. The thought of showing up unannounced at her door made him uncomfortable, but the idea of calling to announce he was here and couldn’t find a door was mortifying. Jensen sighed in relief when he saw a gate to the left of the house with a ‘Welcome to the Beach’ sign on it. Travelling the narrow walkway next to the house, he was forced to carry the suitcase as he descended at least a full flight of stairs. When he reached the end of it he simply stopped and stared. No wonder the other side of the house was unpretentious. It was merely a way to connect to a street.  _ This _ was the front of the house. The house perched on a bluff, and in front of him the Pacific stretched into forever. He stood taking in the many shades of blue before turning to the house. Floor to ceiling windows made up the front of the house to maximize the view. Through them he could see a living room, kitchen and dining area. He noticed an abundance of natural wood, white and sand colors, and also the bright pop of color from toys on the floor. 

“Hey! This is private property. You can’t be here.”

He turned to see a tiny woman, no more than five foot three, her hands on her impressive hips, glaring at him. He would have laughed but there was something fierce about her that had nothing to do with her multiple piercings, or the fact that her dark hair had purple streaks and was shaved several inches around one ear. 

He held his hands out to show he meant no harm. “I’m Jensen. I thought my friend Shay lived here. If I’ve got the wrong house, I apologize. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Holy shit, you are aren’t you?” She moved closer and took off her sunglasses. “Jensen Ackles. What the hell are you doing here? Did you come with Misha?”

“You know Misha?”

“Yeah, I met him on Something Blue. Oh sorry,” she held out her hand, “Nikki Rodriguez. Make-up artist, general badass, and Shay’s best friend.”

He laughed outright at her introduction. “Ah- no, I didn’t come with Misha. He had sort of a last minute family thing come up, and I came to take his place.”

“So what - you just show up, expecting to be her date at a public event? That’s pretty ballsy.”

“See?  _ That’s _ what I should have said when Misha woke me up this morning telling me I had an hour to get to the airport. I plead lack of coffee.” The woman doesn’t look impressed. He felt the urge to scuff his foot against the floor like a little kid in trouble. “And maybe I just wanted to see Shay again. Look if she doesn’t want me on her arm, no big. Hell, I’ll stay here and babysit, and  _ you _ can go as her plus one. I mean, if you’re not already going.”

Nikki’s face softened, making her tawny eyes sparkle. “You’re in love with her.” It wasn’t a question so much as a challenge.

“I -uh, I-” Jensen felt like he had swallowed a golf ball. He could  _ feel _ the heat working across his face, all the way to the tips of his ears.

Nikki chuckled, apparently enjoying his discomfort. “Okay, I’ll take that back a step. You care about her.”

That was easier to answer. “Yeah, yeah I do.”

“Enough to put her needs ahead of your own?”

“Ah-” bewildered, he asks, “Does she need something?”

“The same thing all women need, handsome.” She framed her knowing smile with two fingers spread in a V shape and flicked her tongue between them. She laughed at his stunned face. “Oh, I'm not trying to insult you. She seemed happy enough when she came back from Seattle. Obviously you know what you’re doing. But she’ll never tell you this, so I will. Her ex? Or the ‘dearly departed’ or whatever the hell I’m supposed to call that prick she was married to? He did a real mind fuck on her. The man made it so that he came first and nothing or nobody came second. Treated her like she was selfish if she ever wanted anything for herself. In and outta bed. So don’t wait around for her to tell you what she wants or needs. You wanna be with her, you’re gonna have to be able to figure it out. And you're gonna have to be good enough to convince her you  _ want _ to do it, because her pleasure  _ is _ your pleasure.”

She leaned in and tapped his chin, making him aware that his mouth was hanging open. “I know that was a total overshare, seeing as how I’ve known you for all of about five seconds, but Shay and the boys will be back any minute, so I really don’t have time to dick around.” She glanced over her shoulder at the stairs again. “I’ll be damned if I stand by and let another abusive asshole twist her into what he wants her to be. You might be Mr. Right, you might be Mr. Right Now, I really don’t care. So long as what you want is for her to be happy then we’re cool. Capisce?”

His mouth opened and closed a few times before he managed to say, “Capisce. You  _ really _ didn’t like him did you?”

“You have NO idea.”

“How’d she wind up with somebody like that?”

“Oh, he loved her. Or at least he loved the way he felt when he was with her. Important. Famous by association. But then they moved east, and everything changed.”

“Why’d they move?”

“He was gonna take over his dad’s law practice one day, so he said they needed to live near his parents, get established in the right ‘social circle’. And don’t even get me started on  _ that _ house of cards fuckery." Nikki craned her head as laughter floats up from the beach, "Oh, that’s them coming up the stairs. Listen, if she asks, we never had this conversation. I caught you snooping around and then gushed about how gorgeous you were the rest of the time. Got it?” She whirled away, not waiting for an answer.

Jensen stood feeling rocked, as if one of the waves pounding the shore had just pushed him under.

*****

“Hey, hey guys, you know the rules! You have to get the sand off your feet before you go in the house!” Shay called as the boys hit the top of the stairs up from the beach and sprinted for the house. She went directly to the little outdoor shower and sprayed off dirty feet, children and toys. She was putting things away when movement on the patio got her attention. 

“Jensen?” 

His movements were slow, his eyes ardent as he moved toward her, “Yeah, it’s me,” he said just before his lips consumed hers. He pulled her in tight, whispering into her ear. “Hey you. I’ve missed you.” A flutter kicked to life somewhere inside her. It grew over the next two hours as she watched him bond with her kids over ice cream, and again when he greeted her parents who arrived to take the boys to their place for the night. Shay was so focused on it that she missed Nikki speaking to her.

“Hello? Earth to Shay,” Nik waved her hand in front of her face. “Where’d you go?”

“What?”

“I said it’s time to go get ready for the ball Cinderella. Into the shower girlfriend, but don't wash any of that gorgeous salt wind outta your hair. I'm gonna need it for the style I've got in mind.” 

After reassuring herself that Jensen had everything he needed, she followed Nikki up to her bedroom. She sat half listening to Nikki chat as her friend curled her hair and arranged it into a glam 1930's updo, and started her makeup.

“What is up with you girl? You’ve been lost in that head of yours for the last twenty minutes, at least. Your makeup is done by the way. I’ll help you get your dress on, and then you’re good to go.”

Fear pushed Shay to reach out and clutch Nikki’s hand. “Nik, I - I’m scared.” 

“Of the awards ceremony tonight?”

“No. Well kind of, and the red carpet. But mostly, I -” she thumped her fist over her heart lightly.

Nikki smiled. “Girl, you’re fallin’. Right now you’re clinging to that ledge, scared as all get out, but I’m tellin’ you, you gotta just let go and enjoy the ride. And if you’re not gonna take that ride, send him over to me and I’ll ride his fine ass.”

Shay pondered her best friend’s words. Then she began to giggle. “What makes you think he wants his ass ridden?”

Nikki’s whoop of laughter could probably be heard all the way to the beach. “There’s my girl!” Bringing the floor length Alexander McQueen dress, she zipped it up and leaned close to her ear. “Besides, you know it’s always the quiet ones that are the kinky fuckers.” Nikki gathered her things and threw open the bedroom door. Shay could hear her flip flops slapping as she went down the stairs. “Cinderella, go on and get you some! Fairy godmother out!”

Shay chuckled to herself as she went to the mirror and checked Nikki’s work. The makeup, like the hair, gave a nod to old Hollywood glamour. The colors were deeper than Shay usually wore, and the overall effect combined with the fitted black dress was less girl next door and more sensual, elegant woman. Shay spritzed herself with perfume and stood staring at her reflection, trying to take on the persona of the woman in the mirror. As always, Nikki has read the situation flawlessly and given her exactly what she needs.

*****

The TV was on, but Jensen had his back turned to it, instead staring out at the waves crashing into the rocks below. He’d pushed aside the feelings of shock and disorientation at Nikki’s tirade when he’d seen Shay. It was easy to stay in the present with people around. But after the kids had left with their grandparents and Nikki had gone upstairs to help Shay get ready the thoughts roared back.

Could Shay really have been in an abusive relationship? She seemed so strong, and had understood his loss so well. He shook away that logic. Victims of domestic abuse were not weak individuals. And if the husband had continually demeaned Shay’s self worth, she would have had  _ more _ emotional trauma to work through, not less. 

Looking back through the filter of Nikki’s words, several moments stood out, one in particular from Seattle. Shay might be upset if she ever discovered her friend’s disclosure, but he was thankful. His thoughts cut off as he heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

“Wow.”

Shay’s voice was shy. “Yeah? You like?”

Jensen took that as an invitation to look her over slowly. The dress was deceptively simple, unrelieved black from the floor up to it’s little cap sleeves. There were no high slits or cut outs to reveal excess skin. But something about the cut and the flow of the material drew the eye to all her curves in one sinuous line. “Definitely. I, just - wow.”

She chuckled at his eloquence. “Well, you look pretty wow yourself. The car is here, so I guess we’d better go.”

When they slid into the sleek black town car they found a bottle of champagne waiting for them. Shay plucked up the accompanying note and read, “As insurance against any pre-show jitters. Love, Misha.’ Aww, that was sweet of him.”

“Yeah, it was.” Jensen opened the bottle and poured two glasses. “Here’s to Misha, who got stuck at home while I get to take Cinderella to the ball.”

“Nikki gets a kick out of the fairy godmother thing,” Shay chuckled. “If she were here, she’d be shaking me silly right about now. She’s forever telling me not to take things so seriously. Do me a favor please? Talk to me about something. Anything. Just let me get outta my own head for a minute.”

“Well I  _ do _ have one thing you might be interested in hearing.” He hands over a champagne flute. “I turned in my contract for next year.” After Seattle he had called her nearly everyday, debating his decision to remain with the show or to stay in Austin full time. 

“Signed?” At his nod she continued, “Oh, Jensen, I am so happy for you!” Her face was so radiant, he couldn’t help smiling back. “That definitely deserves a toast. Here’s to you, taking the next step.”

His heart pounded in his chest and his blood thickens. “To the next step,” he echoed, unsurprised when his voice came out a low, seductive growl. There was no way he was leaving this town without getting inside her again. 

He saw her breathing quicken as she clinked her glass to his and sipped the champagne. “So what comes next?” she asked him, striving for normalcy.

“A lot actually. I’ve got someone looking into schools up there, and JJ’s therapist is going to help me through the process of hiring a nanny. She’s pushing for a live in situation, which makes sense considering the hours I have to work, but I’ve got to tell you, it’s a really weird concept to me.”

The sexual charge slid into the background while they chatted easily for about thirty minutes about kids and work. He refilled their glasses, and when Shay downed half of hers in one gulp he realized that a tense silence had taken up residence. He took another sip, debating how to break it. 

Using two fingers at her jaw he gently turns her head, “I’m supposed to be here to hold your hand if you get nervous, and instead I’m sitting here dumbfounded by how beautiful you are.” She smiled, but looked dubious at his compliment. He nuzzled his nose and lips in behind her ear. “I’m serious, Shay.” He ran his finger down her throat lightly, over the swell of a breast, getting a primal satisfaction as he felt her nipple pucker under her dress. “We can play this light for the cameras, but when we get back to your place I want to peel you out of this dress. I want you to give yourself over to me. I want to make you come undone in every way you’ll let me. Are you okay with that?” When she gave a jerky nod, he nipped at her ear. “Good girl. Now, I’d love to seal that deal with a kiss, but Nikki threatened some very painful sounding tortures if I messed up your makeup before the red carpet. So I guess I’ll just have to get creative.” Lifting one of her hands, he placed an open mouth kiss to the delicate skin on the underside of her wrist. He spent several minutes tracing lines out to each fingertip and then kissing them as well. By the time he had worked his way back up to her neck, they had arrived at the first security checkpoint for the event. 

*****

“Ms. Martin! Ms. Martin!” 

Shay tensed seeing a young man rushing through security, shoving his lanyard badge at one of the guards that attempted to slow him. She gripped her clutch with both hands. She didn’t think her shakiness was visible yet, but better safe than sorry. The young man approached, and tisked disapprovingly. 

“Oh, honey, you got here far too early. We’ll have to take you to the holding area.” Shay retreated when the young man reached for her arm. Jensen came to her side, a wall of solid support. His posture was protective, possessive even as his hand slid across her lower back to rest on her hip, but his tone is friendly when he speaks to the young man. “I think some introductions are in order. I’m Jensen, I’ll be escorting Ms. Martin for the evening.”

“You brought a date? Oh, we definitely need to get you into holding. Amanda is going to have a shit fit over this,” the man said more to himself than to them.

The pieces snapped into place for Shay. “You’re Amanda’s assistant. Greg right?”

“Gregory,” he corrected her. He led them behind tall fake shrubs that provided the background for the red carpet, and blocked those in the holding area from the press. 

“Where is Amanda?” Shay asked Gregory.

“Walking one of her C-listers. Amanda was quite adamant. She says you’re going to win, and she wants to handle you personally tonight. She warned me you might try to sneak in early, said it would be my job if you did.”

Shay huffed. She didn’t like Amanda’s new assistant, but she didn’t like to think of herself as the kind of diva who would get him fired either. “Fine. I promise not to go anywhere before Amanda gets here.”

“I appreciate it. I’ll let her know you’re here and,” his eyes perused Jensen, “that we have a change in escort. Would either of you like a drink while you wait?”

And wait they did. The clock said that no more than twenty minutes had passed, but Shay would have sworn it was hours. She tried to hide her trembling hands and failed miserably. 

“Hey,” Jensen stepped up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, “you weren’t joking about these things making you nervous were you? Are you going to be able to go out there?”

She nodded. “Believe it or not, about ten seconds after I get out there, I’ll be rock solid. Acting the part, playing the public persona. I’ve just never figured out how to do that back here.”

“I might actually be more nervous back here. Photographers I can handle. But this? I am seriously out classed.”

She rounded on him, nerves flaring into anger. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” she whispered angrily.

“You said fuck.” She can see his shoulders shaking in mirth as he pulled her in close so no one can overhear, “Outside of the bedroom. Didn’t think I’d ever hear that.” 

“Maybe I don’t like hearing you put yourself down.” She huffed a laugh, “Besides, I probably got it from you. You throw the f-bomb around like flower petals at a wedding.”

Shay felt something in her gut relax when he threw his head back and laughed. “I do, don’t I? I’m not putting myself down sweetheart, but I’m pretty sure Viggo Mortensen walked in a few minutes ago. That’s about as A-list as you get.” His jaw dropped. “Holy shit, that’s Kate Beckinsdale.”

Shay grinned. “You prefer leather or latex?”

“What?” his eyes snapped back to hers.

“You know, in Van Helsing she had that amazing leather corset, and Underworld it was the kick ass full body latex.”

Shay noticed his chuckle was both amused and abashed. “Well tonight she seems to be wearing - uh feathers.” 

Shay craned around until she saw the actress, and yes, the top part of her dress is covered in some kind of feathers. Before she could reply, Amanda came hurrying towards her giving her a quick hug. 

“God, the two of you are gorgeous together. The cameras are gonna love you,” Amanda said, stepping back to study them.

Shay gulped nervously, thinking for the first time what this kind of exposure will mean for them. “You sure you wanna do this? It’s fine if you don’t. Honestly. You can just meet me down at the other end.”

“I said I was gonna help you through this,” he raised the hand that encapsulated her own, and pressed a kiss to her knuckles, “and that’s what I’m gonna do.”

The flutter from earlier reappeared in Shay’s chest, as fast as hummingbird wings.

*****

True to what she had told him, Shay’s nerves disappeared before the first photograph was taken. He watched her as she stepped out and posed for the first group of photographers, flashes exploding all around, and the photographers yelling her name and begging for multiple poses. She ignored all of them, but took the time to look at each camera, allowing them to get one perfect shot with her full attention. Her publicist grabbed him just as she was finishing and hustles down behind the hedges emerging in front of the second group. 

“Okay, we want to get past her so that when she joins you, you are on her right side. Remember casual, breezy, friends with maybe just a little more. Hands stay above the waist, and if you look at her in front of the camera, it’s with an easy smile okay? Not all intense like you were backstage.”

Before he could ask her what she meant by that, she pushed him out in front of the second set of photographers. He smiled for a few pictures, and then extended his hand to Shay as she neared. She took it and he pulled her in close to tell her, ‘You’re doing great.” They posed together for a moment and then moved toward the next section filled with television cameras and reporters doing live interviews.

“You guys were perfect,” Amanda popped up between them, “now Jensen you’ll have to excuse me, but I have a couple of interviews set up for Shay.” He stepped back into the background, unable to hear any of her interviews except the one with the reporter working for the event, whose interviews were being played on a screen not far from him.

“I’m here with Shay Martin, who is up for two awards tonight. Now tell me, I know one of them is for best actress, and what is the other?”

“Um, the other is for a first time screenwriter. I have to admit, that’s the one I really want.”

“Really? You’d prefer winning screenwriter to actress?”

“I would. You know, the writing thing is new for me, and this story is so close to my heart, it would really just be a great honor. “

“That’s fantastic. I hope you get it. And while I’ve got you here, I notice you’ve got your Supernatural co-star Jensen Ackles here with you tonight. Is there anything we should know? You all look pretty good together.”

Shay gave her a sweet grin, “Oh well, that’s just Jensen. He’d look good standing next to anybody.” She smiled and waved at the camera, her signal that she’s done answering questions. 

She moved on to the next interviewer, and as Jensen followed her down the line he heard his name being called. From the print section he recognized the reporter that was the liaison for the show from Entertainment Weekly. He crossed to her and gave her a hug.

“Samantha how are you?”

“I’m good, I’m good. And how are you? I wasn’t expecting to see you here tonight.”

“Well, I’m sort of here in Misha’s stead. He was planning on attending, but Vicki and the kids got sick. So I took his ticket and came down to hang out with Shay. I probably shouldn’t tell you this,” he said in mock confidentiality, “but she’s a little nervous about tonight.”

“So you and Shay are here together? Like together - together?”

“As opposed to together - apart?” Jensen laughed easily. “Look, I’m just really honored to be here tonight to recognize all her hard work on Something Blue. Have you seen it? It’s really powerful. You should watch it. But fair warning, you’re gonna need a box of tissues, it’s a heartbreaker.”

After that they made their way inside where they were able to relax without performing for the cameras. He could actually feel Shay’s relief. She introduced him to several other people who worked on Something Blue, along with other stars she had worked with in the past. He saw a few people that he knew, but this was a film event. And if film was one step removed from television, independent film was a giant step beyond that. 

An usher helped them find their seats and the waiting resumed. The Independent Film Spirit Awards was a relatively short ceremony, but Jensen could see the stress building for Shay with each passing minute. When Something Blue won best cinematography, she released some of it clapping and cheering as the head cinematographer took the stage. It wasn’t long before they were reading out the nominations for Best First Screenplay. Shay gripped his hand tight, but when they announced her name as the winner she didn’t move. He pulled her to her feet and hugged her tight.

“You did it. You earned it. Now go up there and get it,” he said directly into her ear. She made her way down the aisle and up onto the stage. Standing in front of the microphone, she took a deep breath and began speaking.

“I wrote a speech, something witty and brilliant, but um -- I left it in my seat.” She laughed along with the audience. “Something Blue is a project that I both loved and hated, pretty much on a daily basis. And I think most people in this industry understand that feeling. But more than anything, it was something that just  _ demanded _ to exist, outside of myself, out there in the wide world. And I want to thank everyone that helped make that happen. From the bottom of my heart, thank you,  _ thank you _ , very much.”

In the darkened auditorium, Jensen blinked his stinging eyes. The pieces of Shay were coming into focus. She was the beauty and elegance of her public persona. She was the quick wit and humor that she had just shown onstage. She was the raw fragility and courage she had written and portrayed in Something Blue. She was the loyal friend he had come to rely on and the sensual lover he couldn’t wait to see again. At the next break Shay slipped through the dark, back into her seat and turned to him smiling ear to ear. Without thought he reached for her, touching his forehead to hers. 

“I am so proud of you,” he whispered fiercely before kissing her. “So proud.”

*****

“After party!” Amanda rushed Shay the moment she made her way out of the awards ceremony. “Come on Shay,” she begged. “I’ve got everything we need out in the car. I’ll touch up your hair, your makeup, and I have got the hottest little dress for you to change into.”

Shay grinned knowing her friend. “Yes, yes, yes, and no.”

“What? Come on! You haven’t even seen it!”

“Does this dress happen to be strapless, covered in some kind of sparkle, and end approximately three centimeters below my ass?” When Amanda’s mouth opened and closed without sound, Shay smiled and shook her head. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Hard pass, Mandy. Just lead me to the party.”

The party turned out to be in a funky West LA restaurant called La Boheme. Gothic architecture battled with crystal chandeliers, throwing light on silk wallpaper and orange faux leather booths. The central wooden floor had been cleared of tables, but the booths remained intact providing private seating and overlooking it all was a second floor balcony with wrought iron railing that could rival any opera house.

“Woah, this place is…”

“Eclectic?” Shay smiled up at Jensen. “I was just reading an online review. Holding up her phone, she said, “they described it as ‘kinky and elegant, a sexy atmosphere that oozes passion and fun’. That sound about right to you?”

He leaned in speaking directly into her ear, sending a shiver down her spine. “Well it sounds like something we should definitely try out.” Shay snorted, then remembering Nikki’s earlier assessment, broke into giggles. The next few hours flew for Shay as they ate finger foods, spoke with anyone Amanda deemed a networking opportunity, danced, and drank champagne at every turn. Eventually she found herself on the balcony, needing a break from the crowds and the drinking.

“Here,” Jensen appeared behind her and handed her a bottle of water. “Don’t want you getting dehydrated and feeling sick tomorrow.”

Murmuring her thanks, she drank, watching him out of the side of her eyes. He lit up when an old Sinatra song came on and she let him pull her in to dance. Giving herself over to the moment, she rests her head against his chest where she could hear him humming along. The fluttering sensation that has been inside of her for hours swelled until she can’t keep quiet anymore. 

Looking up into his face she sighed,“God I am high on this night.”

He chuckled, “You sure that's not the Moet?”

“Nuh-uh. You showing up, me winning, and yeah, the champagne doesn't hurt but…” she smiled up at him. Locking her eyes on his she recognized the heated, hungry look that came over his face. “You wanna get out of here?” she asked breathlessly.

“Fuck yeah. More than anything.”

*****

He managed to make it to the limo before he gave in and kissed her. He took it slowly, intending to make up for the weeks it’d been since he’d been able to taste her. Before he knew it the ride had ended and he had to pull away, telling her, “We’re here.”

He helped her out of the car, catching her as she clung to him, her legs seeming to give beneath her. 

“Woah, you okay there?”

“Yeah. Pretty sure this is the definition of ‘going weak in the knees’. Either that or that last glass of champagne was a doozy.”

He moved around to support her from the back as she fished her keys out of her clutch. 

“Please God let it be the first one,” he murmured into her ear, “I wanna see you limp with satisfaction before the night is up, and weak in the knees is a good first step.”

He watched a shiver work it’s way down her spine and knew she had felt his words as potent as any touch. 

“I'm never gonna get this unlocked if you don't stop that,” she said as she fumbled with the door. Finally getting the key in the lock, she breathed a sigh of relief as they stepped inside. Then she gasped as he spun her around, pressing her into the door and covering her mouth with his own. His own needs reign supreme for one minute before he feels her hands at his chest, pushing him away. He growled at his own impatience and pulled back a scant inch.

“Alarm.” She managed to rasp into the sliver of space between them. Keeping her arm against the wall for balance she managed to get to the console and typed in the code, sagging in relief when the beeping ended with a happy chirp. Unable to wait, Jensen scooped her into his arms and started up the stairs for her bedroom.

He saw her eyes widen in surprise at the display of strength.

“Oh fuck, I’m never getting over this,” she whispered aloud.

He chuffed a laugh at her statement. But if there’s anything she’s not getting over tonight, he hopes it hasn’t happened quite yet. Once in her room Jensen lowered her gently to her feet again. Spying a trio of candles he asked, "Can we light those?" After they’re lit he kissed her again until he felt her lean back panting. “Keep those lips open baby. I wanna hear you tonight. Every thought, every feeling, you let it all out. I wanna hear all of it, you understand?” She nods. “Nuh-uh,” he took her bottom lip and nipped at it. “I wanna hear it. You understand?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I understand. Jensen please, please get this dress off of me.”

Moving behind her he began lowering the zipper slowly. He kissed each inch of her skin as the dress fell away from it. When he reached her bra strap he unfastens that too. He peeled the dress off just as he had promised in the car.

His pants grew tight as his hands skated over silken skin and the lace riding high on the curve of her ass. Teasing the edge of it with his finger, he turned her, taking in the sight that put a hitch in his breathing.

“Damn Shay, wanna touch, taste every square inch of you.” He pulled the lace down delighted that he can leave the thigh high stockings and the heels in place for the time being.

Gently he guided her to sit at the edge of the bed and laid her back, taking the time to spread her hair out over the sheets behind her. Lifting one leg he toyed with the thick satin ribbon that comes off of her shoe and wraps around her ankle several times. “These might be the hottest thing you wore tonight, and I’m just selfish enough to be happy that I’m the only one who gets to see them.” He nuzzled into her skin just above the ribbon and kissed his way up to the sensitive crease behind her knee. He positioned each foot just beside her hips, noting when her knees fell together instead of apart. He reached down and fingers the satin ribbon on each leg before running his fingers up the insides of her legs. 

“Show me, Shay. Show me all of you.” Her knees hesitantly fell open, her eyes riveted to the sight of his fingertips drawing little patterns on the insides of her thighs. 

“Jay,” she shifts uncomfortably. 

“Yeah beautiful?” 

“You’re wearing too many clothes.” 

He raised his eyes to her pink face and grinned broadly. “Well, I can take care of that.” His hands worked at his bowtie and buttons quickly, stopping to bat at one of her knees as it drifted back to center. “Nuh-uh. You’re beautiful like this Shay. All open and waiting for me. Don’t try to hide.”

Finishing off the buttons of his shirt he offered his wrist to her. “Help me with these cufflinks, baby? I always have the damndest time with them.” As soon as her focus was on his arm he shifted his face to her skin, licked over her hip bone, traced down the juncture where her leg met her body. 

“Other wrist, Jay give me your other wrist,” she panted. He shifted and offered her his other wrist. “You don’t have to do that you know.” Her voice sounded pained at the suggestion. 

He felt a quick smile cross his face. “I want to Shay. And I want you to let me. Let me know all of you. Love all of you.” 

At her jerky nod, he lowered himself down to love her the best way he knew how. She lets out a muffled shriek at that and her hand wraps in his hair. Unable to tell if she is trying to push him away or pull him closer he lifts to study her face. Eyes clenched shut, hand pressed against her gaping mouth she is a study in repression at war with open need. Deciding to continue he watched as her hands scrabbled in the bedsheets, her head tossed back and forth as her pleasure washed over her again and again.

“You’ve got more don’t you? Give it to me baby, I want everything you’ve got. Tell me what you need Shay.” A long groan is his answer.

“Words, Shay. Tell me what you want.”

“You. Oh god Jay, I just want you.”

He ripped at his belt and fly, letting out a sigh of relief as he shoved everything down over his hips. Lining up he plunged into her still amazed at how well she fits him. A whimper from below tore him from his revelry. 

“Please Jay, oh please move!” she begged, squirming around him.

He moved in and out, while pulling her hips to meet his at the edge of the bed. 

“Straighten out your legs baby. That’s it.” He pulled them both to rest against his right shoulder. She surprised him by crossing her ankles. The move wrapped her even tighter around him, and he had focus for a moment as his knees tried to buckle. He braced his arms against her legs, pressed a kiss to her ankle. When he looked down at her, he saw she was gazing back up at him steadily. 

He wanted to say something, but she cried out and her body pulled at him in a way that made his mind go blank. Collapsing next to her, he watched her body relax as her breathing evened out and then deepened as she slipped into sleep. 


	8. April 23, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the awards ceremony.

Shay woke in the gray light of early morning. A soft snuffling came from her right, she turned and saw Jensen, more than half his face buried in the pillow. She warmed at the sight. The flutter that had taken up residence in her chest has strengthened, this morning it feels more like a throb. Not wanting to linger over feelings she can’t control, she rolled out of the bed. It didn’t strike her as strange that woke up naked, but she paused when she noticed her thigh high stockings and heels by the same chair Jensen had draped her dress over last night. She has no memory of taking those off. Or of blowing out the candles, or even shifting fully up onto the bed and under the covers. Did she do all those things on some kind of post coital high? Or did she actually pass out from sex? 

Shaking her head she pulled on a robe and went down to the kitchen. Fifteen minutes later she returned with a carafe of coffee, small pots of cream and sugar, and two mugs ready on a serving tray. She listened intently as she reentered her room, but from the soft even snores, Jay won’t be waking up for a while. Carefully she flipped the lock on her balcony door and carried the tray out to the small table outside. Her coffee cup was nearly empty and she was totally absorbed in watching the waves when she heard the door slide open. Jensen started to step out then disappeared, coming back a moment later with the blanket she keeps on the end of her bed wrapped around himself.

“It’s cold out here,” he grumbled in a sleep roughened voice. 

“Yeah, it’ll warm up some later.” She indicated the tray. “Brought up some coffee.”

“Hmm.” He made a cup the way he likes it and came to stand behind her. He wrapped himself and the blanket around her chilled body. “What are you doing out here so early?” he rumbled against her shoulder.

She smiled and gave the tiniest of shrugs. “Just woke up. I like to watch the water in the morning. Kind of like my own version of meditation I guess.”

He sipped his coffee and balanced his chin on her shoulder, watching the waves with her. Spotting a couple of surfers in the distance he nodded toward them. “You gonna take me out there, paddle circles around me?” As he spoke, his free hand found the opening of her robe and drew light tickling circles over one breast.

Shay blew out a shaking breath, astounded by how quickly her body responded to his touch. Already she can feel heat swelling in her. “You- you surf?” she asks.

“I have, mostly on vacations, but I'm sure there's still plenty you could teach me.” His hand slid to her other breast, making her head fall back against his shoulder behind her. 

“Water’s too cold this time of year,” her words shuddered out of her, “you'd need a wetsuit.”

“Hmmm,” he shifted, pulling her around, and wrapped the blanket over both of them. “Maybe next time.”

“Next time?” She gasped as he unerringly found the spot just below her jaw that made her entire body feel like it would melt. 

“Yeah. Are there any neighbors who are gonna be scandalized by this?” 

“By - by what?”

“By this. Me wrapped around you on your balcony at the break of day, kissing you senseless.” One of his hands moved up to grip her by the nape of her neck and he pulled her in tight, the heat of his body warming her own.

His mouth slanted down over hers and her head spun, knowing nothing but the taste of coffee and the feel of his lips. She was lost to the world around her, not even noticing when they knocked a coffee cup from the half wall and it shattered two stories below.


	9. May 27, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shay is invited to Jensen's annual Memorial Day party in Austin.

The car turned into a neighborhood of sprawling homes, and Shay noticed the houses seem to be sitting farther away from each other with each passing street. She bit her lip nervously. This had seemed like such a good idea, had seemed so imperative when she had decided to come. One last chance to be with Jensen, to love him before she said goodbye.   
But now she was second guessing everything. She had imagined having his friends and family around , her boys with her would keep things from getting too emotionally charged. But now she wondered if all she had done was drag them into the line of fire. No. It was going to be fine. She took a deep breath and looked down at her boys, both passed out against her. It was the right thing to do. The boys deserved to have her present, not mooning over a man who was hundreds of miles away or holding her breath for his next visit weeks and weeks away.  
Checking the driver’s gps she saw they were only minutes from arriving. She pulled out her phone and sent a text, knowing she’ll be unable to get both sleeping kids and the suitcases from the car to the house. Shortly after the car pulled into a long driveway her heart gave an involuntary throb when she saw Jensen standing on the front walkway.  
“Cal, kiddo, I need you to wake up for just a minute. We’re gonna go inside the house and then you can lay back down if you’re tired okay? I just need you to walk with me. I can’t carry you and your brother.”  
The little boy rubbed his eyes and stretched out legs and arms that Shay could swear were getting longer everyday. Jensen opened the door on his side. “Heya bud, remember me?” Cal huddled back toward Shay.  
“Sorry, they’re kinda worn out from the trip. I can get them inside,” Shay began.  
“I’ll get the bags” he volunteered before she could even ask. Hoisting three year old Dylan onto her hip, Shay took Cal’s hand and followed Jensen into the house. Passing through the kitchen, he paused. “This is my mom and sister. I’ll do proper introductions after you’ve had a chance to get settled.”   
Shay nodded hello, and Cal clung to her leg.  
“Maria’s here,” Jensen told her, referring to the nanny he’d discussed with her at length before hiring. “She’s going to help keep the kids entertained some this weekend so the parents can have a little break. Oh, and I found an extra monitor and set it up in the boys’ room in case you want to keep an eye on them while they’re in there.” Jensen pointed to a small screened device.  
“Thanks, that’s perfect,” Shay said, touched by his thoughtfulness.  
He led them down a hallway. “So, I’ve put you all in these two bedrooms. They’re right next to each other, and they even share a bathroom.” He told Cal. He pointed to an open door leading to a guest room with a queen. “That will be where your mom sleeps, and this” he said as he pushed another door open to reveal a twin-over-double bunk bed, “is for you all.”  
“Oh wow.” She said running a hand over Cal’s hair. “You’ve never slept in a bunk bed before.”  
“I’ll just put this next door and let you all get settled,” He started to leave with the larger suitcase.  
“Actually, the smaller one is mine.”  
“The smaller one is yours.” He sounded doubtful.  
“What? There’s two of them. Plus they just have more stuff.”  
He chuckled. “Take as much time as you need. I’ll see you out there.”   
*****  
Shay was in his house. He felt like a teenager again, too excited to sit down because a pretty girl was in his room. But it wasn’t just a physical reaction. It had been building over the last week as he made preparations for his annual Memorial Day party. Maybe longer than that.   
He had thought things would have felt more settled after his visit to LA. Their public appearance, the intensity of their lovemaking should have put them firmly into relationship territory. And yet neither of them had spoken of it. Jensen had fielded a couple of questions at his last convention from fans wanting to know the nature of their relationship. He managed to avoid labeling it by simply saying she was a great person and that he really enjoyed spending time with her. Still, he felt as if something was missing. He hoped having her here in his home will make that final piece click into place.   
Looking at her again, he wanted more than anything to gather her up into his arms and hold her. But as soon as she had laid Dylan down, Cal had climbed into her lap. Grabbing the smaller suitcase, he took it to her room. He looked around trying to see if there is anything he can do to make the room more comfortable, but since he’s already done that about ten times, he can’t find anything. Shaking his head, he turned and headed back toward the party.  
He walked down the hall and was momentarily perplexed to hear Shay’s voice coming from the kitchen.  
“Well, I do know some of them. And they are really, really nice. And what I’ve found is that when you meet really, really nice people, the other people they spend time with are usually pretty nice too.”  
“Okay,” a little voice replies, “Mommy, will you sing to me?”  
“Of course I will baby.”  
He heard her start a song he recognized from the birthday album Jason gave him. When he turned the corner he found his mom and sister riveted to the baby monitor. “Shame on you two, eavesdropping like that.” He chided with a grin. “I’ll be outside if anyone needs me.”  
*****  
After she took a few minutes to freshen up, Shay followed the long hallway back to join the adults. A few steps before the kitchen she heard voices.   
“Come on Mom, tell me that wasn’t about the sweetest thing you’ve ever heard.”  
“I’m not saying I disapprove of her, but I thought she was just supposed to be a friend. It hasn’t even been a year-”  
Not wanting to hear anymore, Shay took two silent steps backward and forced a cough. She then resumed her usual pace, making sure the backs of her sandals slapped against her feet, announcing her arrival. When she rounded the corner, both women were busy with homey tasks.   
“Hi. I’m Shay,” she introduced herself.  
“Diane,” said the older woman chopping vegetables at the cutting board.   
“Mackenzie,” the younger woman waved a gloved hand covered with dish soap bubbles.  
“Is there anything I can do to help?”  
“Oh no, you’re a guest. Would you like a drink? Or anything to eat?” It’s obvious Mrs. Ackles was a born hostess.  
“I could use some water. Oh, you don’t have to stop, just point me to the right cabinet,” she added with a smile. After getting a drink she hesitantly sidled up next to Mackenzie and picked up a dish towel to begin drying.  
“Really you don’t have to do that,” the young woman protested.  
“Cut me some slack,” Shay began in a confiding tone, “I handle my nerves better when I have something to do with my hands.”  
“You’re nervous? Of us?” Mackenzie asked incredulously.  
“Meeting a whole houseful of new people? Yeah, that’ll pretty much do it for me,” Shay admitted. The small speaker in the corner began to play Nina Simone’s Sinner Man.  
“I love this song,” Jensen’s mother exclaimed.  
“I know this song!” Kenzie interrupted, “It’s in that show, Lucifer, that I was just telling you about,” she informed her mother.  
“Oh yeah, Tom Ellis, who knew he could sing?” Shay chimed in.  
“Do you know him?”  
“No,” Shay chuckled, “I didn’t even know he was really British until I saw an interview about how he wound up singing on the show. I watched some of the last show he did where he played a doctor in LA and I totally bought the American accent.”  
“Oh, I love his accent,” the young woman gushed, “of course I love pretty much everything about him, tall, dark, handsome-”  
“You talking about me again Kenzie?” a deep voice came from the back door.  
Kenzie let out a noise of delight and dashed for Jared, soapy gloves and all. His eyes met Shay’s over Kenzie’s shoulder and they smiled at each other.  
“Let’s see.” Shay ticked off points on her fingers, “has the lead in a television show, sometimes plays the devil, and sings like an angel.”  
“Oh, so not me then,” Jared laughed, releasing Kenzie and moving in to hug Shay.   
“Not this time, but it is good to see you.” She told him as she moved into his long arms.  
“I am so glad you’re here,” he said squeezing her tight. She leaned in, taking much needed comfort from the embrace. A delicate throat clearing has them moving apart, and revealed a petite brunette in the doorway.  
Jared ushered her in, offering introductions. “Shay I’d like you to meet my wife Geniveve.”  
“Ah, so you’re the woman who ate sandwiches with my husband.” Gen offered a warm smile to let Shay know there were no hard feelings about the ridiculous internet rumors.  
“Guilty. Although the flower thing was totally not him,” she assured.  
Jared chuckled, “Nah, that was all Jensen.”  
“What was all me?” Jensen had entered behind Genevieve.  
“The flowers you sent Shay for being a jackass the last day we were all on set.” Jared supplied easily.  
Shay choked on a laugh at the dumbfounded look on Jensen’s face, and coughed, “Awkward,” into her hand.  
Jared stared at Jensen until the other man raised his eyebrows and gave his head a small shake. When Jared turned back toward Shay, she folded her lips and shook her head as well. She half hoped that would be the end of it, but Jared didn’t let it go. “So wait, then who sent the flowers?”  
“The stunt man.” Jensen’s voice was as flat as she’d ever heard it. “That’s who was in that last picture, wasn’t it?”  
Shay rolled her eyes and gave a half shrug. “Apparently when I said ‘Thanks for the ride’ he heard ‘I am so totally going to hit this.’ Not sure how that works.”  
When most of the people in the room responded with laughter, some of Shay’s nerves eased. So far so good.  
*****  
After dinner was cleared away and the kids were put to bed, the adults congregated outside with drinks around the fire pit.   
“Ugh, look at them.” Mike said, pointing through the fire to Jared and Gen. They were cuddled in a chair together completely oblivious to anyone else.   
Jensen elbowed his friend, “Have a heart man. The nanny came and got the kids, and that’s probably her first drink in over a year.”  
“No joke.” Shay agreed with a laugh. “ I was a total lightweight right after mine were born.”   
“You’re still a lightweight,” Jensen laughed looking down at her.  
“Oh, is that so?” Mike slid into the chair next to Shay and leaned in suggestively. Jensen’s jaw tightened convulsively.   
“Yep,” Shay drawled, popping the p sound, “Shame I don’t have any more to drink.”  
Predictably, Mike rushed to take her cup to get her a refill. But before he could return, Shay waved his cousin Heather over to sit next to her. Heather wasn’t a normal attendee of this party, but Kenzie had dragged her along. His sister had explained to him that she needed the distraction from her recent breakup. However, Heather wasn’t distracted. And the more she drank the more morose she seemed to become.   
“How come some people get that and the rest of us don’t?” Heather grumbled, “Marriage, babies, all that happily ever after stuff.”  
“Happily ever after? Man, that shit’s for fairy tales.” Mike has returned with Shay’s drink and was clearly not happy to see his seat taken.  
“Oh I don’t know. All of this, right now,” Shay’s gaze swept around the people surrounding the fire and then up to the star filled sky, “this feels pretty happy ever after to me.”  
“But to not have anybody to share it with…” Heather trailed off.   
Shay shrugged. "Happiness is a do it yourself project. Comes with a thousand little pieces, but no instructions. All any of us can do is try to put them together the best we can. You have a missing piece, you can throw the whole thing out or you reconfigure. Use what you have." She saw Heather gearing up to argue and shook her head, laughing. "That's probably a terrible analogy. All I’m saying is even if you have that, if you don't appreciate this, you're still only ever gonna have a piece of it.” A young voice sounded out of the monitor next to Shay’s feet. “Speaking of, there’s one of my little pieces of happiness right now.” She picked up the monitor and pushed to her feet, swaying a little as she came upright.   
“Woah,” Jensen stepped forward and caught her by her forearms, “you need some help up to the house?”  
“No, just needed a second to catch my balance.” She grinned up at him.  
“See?” He tapped her nose with his finger. “Total lightweight.” She waved him off and walked back into the house, weaving slightly.  
*****  
He forced himself to wait twenty minutes before following her inside. In the hallway he sped up when he saw that not only is her light on, but the door is slightly ajar. He knocked lightly and stepped in. The room was empty, confusing him until he noticed a movement and Shay came out of the boys’ darkened room, crossing through the bathroom into her own.  
“Hey, everything okay?” She asked, closing the door softly.  
“Actually that’s what I was coming to ask you. You get him back down okay?”   
“Yeah, he just needed some cuddles being in a new place and all.”  
“Yeah? And what about you? Do you need some cuddles as well?”  
She looked up at him, laughter in her eyes, but he stepped closer, crowding her back into the wall. He gripped the nape of her neck, holding her in place as he moved in, a breath away from touching. She looked flustered, trying to formulate a response but his lips covered hers before she could. His heart pounded when she didn’t move and for a moment he wondered if she was going to resist. Then just before he pulled away he felt her soften, her lips opening under his. He lived in that moment, drinking in the taste of her until he had to break away, gasping for air. Not wanting any space between them he refused to move back, drawing in the scent of her as he caught his breath.  
“Hey you,” she whispered, her breath warm against his cheek.  
“Hey,” he whispered back, he pressed into the softness of her body, letting her feel his need for her. “I’ve wanted to do that from the moment you walked in my door.” He felt her nod her head, swore he could hear her smile.  
She rubbed her cheek against his and he used that movement to turn back, captured her lips again. He kissed her slower, deeper. He dragged his hands over any part of her he could reach. When he pulled away she looked as drugged as he felt.   
“They’re going to miss you outside,” she protested weakly.  
“I don’t care.” He kissed her roughly, winding his fingers through her hair. “Need you Shay,” he groaned into her ear before latching on to her neck, sucking hard. “Need you so damn bad. It’s all I can think about.”   
She whimpered at his words but stopped him before could fix his lips back on hers. “No. It’s your party,” she whispered harshly, “you can’t just”  
“Do what I want to?” A smile broke open across her face. “Cause I’m pretty sure there’s a song that says otherwise.”  
She lowered her head to his shoulder giggling into his chest.   
“Fine. I’ll go be a good host. But after they’re asleep…” his voice trailed off.  
He feels her nod against his body. “I’ll leave the door unlocked,” she promised.


	10. May 28, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions are on the rise until an unexpected memory brings revelations.

Shay woke up to giggles as Cal boosted Dylan high enough to scramble atop the mattress. She smiled as they climbed up to her, relishing the moment that they both snuggled in. It was her favorite part of the morning. Most days they came in separately and she would get a little extra cuddle time with whichever one happened to wake up first. But today, after sharing a bed and in a new place, snuggles last for all of about 2.5 seconds.

Then one nudged the other and then they were wrestling, climbing over her as if she was part of the furniture. She snagged Dylan’s ankle twice, keeping him from crashing to the floor before she decided it’s time to get up before someone got hurt. It was only as she ushered them toward the bathroom that she glanced at her door and realized Jensen never returned. 

She helped the boys dress and ready for the day, telling herself that it wasn’t a big deal and not to worry about it. But the obnoxiously negative, needy part of her brain couldn’t quite let it go.

Queuing up a kids show on her phone she gave it to the boys, promising they would go and get some breakfast together as soon as it was done. Despite her shower last night, she jumped in quickly, trying to cleanse her thoughts more than her body. Knowing the plan was to be out on the lake all day she had dressed the boys in trunks and swim shirts, she attired herself similarly, a red two-piece under ripped denim shorts and loose fitting white tank sprinkled with blue stars. Hair pulled up in a messy knot and a quick layer of mascara, she managed to be ready with two minutes to spare. 

When she and the boys reached the kitchen she saw Jensen and both his parents at work, adding to what was already an impressive breakfast spread. She helped Cal fill his plate with a pancake, bacon, and fruit. Dylan, her carb king, cracked everyone up by requesting toast with sprinkles. Shay caved and let him have it, adding a small amount of fruit to his plate as well. She carried their plates into the glassed-in patio where everyone was spread out at the long table that dominated the space. Getting them situated, she rushed back to make a plate for herself. 

Jensen met her with an easy smile and plate filled with food. 

“For me?” She looked up at him in gratitude. “Thank you.”

“No problem. Now let me grab you some coffee and you’ll be good to go.” He reached for a cup and then stopped. “Oh yeah, I almost forgot.” Opening a cabinet he removed a different mug before filling it, adding cream and sugar.

She accepted the mug, looking it over. “That’s beautiful.”

“You like it?” He grinned wickedly at her nod. “Good. I picked that up for you in Rome. You know, to replace the one I broke when I was at your place.”

“Th-” her words cut off as she remembered. The two of them on her balcony in the early morning light. Her so lost in him and the way her body came alive under his touch that hadn’t even noticed her mug had fallen, only finding it later as they had gone for a walk on the beach.

She would have thought all the blood in her body had rushed to her cheeks had the insistent throb deep within not told her otherwise. It was all she could do to keep her voice steady while thanking him, and her steps measured and sure on the way back to the table. She sank into a chair next to her kids, and sat dazed until Dylan knocked over his glass of orange juice, forcing her attention back to the real world.

As usual the kids finished their meal before she had really started on hers, so she was still at the table when Jensen came around with two pitchers. He poured out some refills before stopping behind her.

“So what about you, beautiful? Mimosa or Bloody Mary?

“More alcohol? No, no, no, not for me.” Trying to make light of his flirting she said, “You know you all would make really good sharks.”

“Sharks?” 

“Yeah. You know, sharks have really big,” she paused, spreading two fingers in front of her in a mildly suggestive way, “livers.” Guffaws erupted from around the table.

“Livers? Really?” He wedged himself between her chair and the next, putting his crotch right next to her face.

“Uh-huh.” Exaggerating her refusal to look at him, she smiled at the rest of the table.

Leaning down to put his lips close to her ear, he rumbled, “Where do you get this stuff?” 

She rolled her eyes and shrugged, “Shark week.” 

*****

After boating most of the day, the group split up when they returned to the house. Most people were eager to get into dry clothing after having been wet all day, but the die hard water dogs like Cal jumped in the pool as soon as it came into sight. Dylan on the other hand was cranky, worn out from the day, but refusing to go inside while the other kids were still out having fun. Shay spoke to one of the other parents who promised to keep an eye on Cal, and then persuaded Dylan to lay on one of the lounge chairs in the shade by promising to draw whatever he told her to along with a few of the other kids who were decorating the patio with colorful chalk drawings. His first request, a dinosaur, was little more than a green outline when he gave in and fell asleep. 

JJ and another little girl were drawing a sprawling - well she didn’t know what it was, but apparently it was surrounded by lots of grass because they asked her if they could use the green chalk she had. Handing it over she said, “There’s a lot going on in your picture. Will you tell me about it?”

“It’s my new school.” JJ replied confidently. “I’m going there in the fall. They have a swimming pool and horses.”

“Oh wow, I’ve never been to a school like that,” Shay told her, fighting back a smile. Jensen had struggled to pick the right school in Vancouver for JJ, outlining many of the options to her over the phone.. He had finally selected one that was a K-12 private school, reasoning that if they at some point stayed in Texas for more than just the summer, it would be easier for her to return to a school where she had known the same kids for years. 

“Uh-oh, you’ve done it now.” Jensen’s father winked at her. “She’s got a fresh victim. I don’t think she’s had anyone to tell about her new school in at least…. What’d you think, Jay Bird? Three hours?” JJ ignored him, keeping up a running commentary, mostly about random details she’d seen in pictures from the school’s website.

Several minutes later, Shay’s attention was diverted by the angry crying of a baby. Kenzie had been walking around the house trying to settle her infant daughter, but it seemed nothing was working. She looked flustered and more than a little flushed. Shay pushed to her feet, going to join her.

“Hey.” Shay greeted the younger woman. “She’s just not having it right now is she?”

“She’s not usually like this. She’s not hungry, her diaper is dry, I think she’s just tired, but she won’t go down.”

“Yeah, happens to the best of us,” Shay said, speaking equally to the mother and child. “Why don’t I take her for a couple minutes? You can get a drink or a quick shower, whatever makes you feel better.”

“Really? That would be so great. I know I’m all tense which isn’t any good.”

Shay smiled down as she took the screaming bundle. “They’re like little sponges aren’t they? They just soak up everything.” She carried the baby inside, wetting a paper towel to wipe the baby’s arms and legs and around her neck. The baby cried harder at first, but as she cooled down her cries turned from angry to plaintive. Moving into the living room Shay fell into the rhythmic walk she had used to soothe her own babies so many times.

*****

He had the grill heating up, ready to start dinner when he ducked back inside to grab the chicken marinating in the refrigerator. He heard a baby fussing, and then the sound of Shay singing a lullaby. Curious, he wandered past the kitchen, and spied her in the living room rocking Kenzie’s six month old daughter in her arms. He didn’t notice his mother, coming into the room from the direction of the bedrooms until she spoke.

“You've got a way with her.”

Shay looked up, unaware that anyone had been watching her. She smiled, “It's just stand and sway and sing.”

“Did you ever want a little girl?” He thought about leaving, or at least moving to make himself known, but some instinct kept him still, waiting to hear her answer. 

“I did. Especially with the first pregnancy, but when I found out he was a boy I realized all I really wanted was a cuddly baby.” Shay laughed drily, “Cal taught me to be careful what I wished for. He didn't let me put him down the first six months.”

“They're good boys. And you're a beautiful mother.”

“Thank you.” He watched Shay swallow back her surprise. “Coming from someone who's raised such amazing people, that is the best compliment I can imagine.”

He could no longer see his mom’s face, but he could hear the smile in her voice. “I love my kids. And my grandkids. Do your boys see their grandparents often?”

“Yeah, my parents are a godsend. We usually see them once or twice a week.”

“What about their father’s parents?”

“Oh um, no.”

“Not at all? Why not?” His mother sounded disapproving, probably thinking of how much Daneel’s parents still love to see JJ. 

“No. After Michael died, his parents- they ah, tried to sue for custody.”

“What?” The word came without thought as did his movement into the room. 

Shay’s eyes met his for a moment, filled with a world of pain. “Dylan wasn't even born yet. They actually tried to sue for custody of a child still in my body.” She looked down at the child in her arms, the shine of tears making her eyes bright. “I know they were grieving for their son, but I had just lost my husband and they tried to take my kids away.” He came to a stop at her side, wrapping an arm around her, relieved when she leaned into him a little. 

“Why would anybody do that?” his mother wondered aloud.

“They argued that my history of postpartum made me an unfit mother.” She swallowed visibly before firming her lips into a hard line. “Oh, and they asked the judge for a million a year in child support. Per child.”

“How did I not know any of this?” he growled.

She shook her head. “It's not something that I talk about.”

“I'm sorry,” his mother said, “I brought this up.”

“No, Mrs. Ackles, you have nothing to apologize for. Asking how often kids get to see their grandparents is an innocuous question.” 

“Baby,” he started, his voice quiet, but Shay spoke over him.

“Speaking of kiddos, I think this one’s down for the count.” Shay flashed a forced smile at both him and his mother. “I'm going to try laying her down in the pack-n-play.”

He watched her leave, feeling an ache at the thought of her going through something so heartbreaking. 

His mom shifted, studying his face. “She’s not just a friend is she?” 

He shook his head. “Not anymore.”

“So what is she now?”

He wrapped an arm around his mom, squeezing her tight. 

“The future.”

*****

Laying on the couch, Jensen rolled to his back and stared at the ceiling. Last night he had fallen asleep waiting for a few of the night owls to go to their own rooms so he could return to Shay’s discreetly. Then this morning he thought, to hell with being discrete. He had been so excited not to hide anymore. But everytime he tried to get close to her today, she had stiffened up. 

Restless, he kicked at the covers then froze when he heard something. Footsteps. Then the sounds of kitchen cabinets opening and closing quietly. Getting up he moved into the kitchen and saw Shay’s slender shadow moving in the near darkness of the kitchen. Not wanting to scare her, he kept his voice at a whisper.

“Can I get you something?”

“Oh hey, didn’t mean to wake you. I just came back for some water.”

“It’s okay, I wasn’t asleep.” He opened another cabinet and pulled a glass down, handing it to her. Taking it, she filled it from the sink and sipped from it. 

“Shay, did I do something wrong?”

“No. No of course not.” She reached out to comfort him, her response so automatic he could see the surprise on her face when her hand met his bare chest. He captured it, tiny under his own, and kept it trapped against him. With his other hand he traced his thumb along her jaw, fingers wrapping gently around the nape of her neck. He held her absolutely still as his lips slid over hers, kissing softly at the corners, the fullness of the bottom lip until he felt the last of the tension leave her body. 

Leaning his forehead against hers he pulled back enough to whisper, “What’s bothering you baby?”

Eyes still closed, a quick tremor interrupted her breathing before she whispered back, “I’m scared. I am getting so lost in all of this.”

His lips twitched upward. “That’s funny. Because I’m feeling like I just found my way.” Her eyes opened and he saw such longing that he couldn’t help but kiss her again. 

Whereas the last kiss was meant to soothe, this one is to arouse. He covered her supple lips entirely, his movements demanding entry. She opened instantly, meeting his tongue with her own, making his pulse soar. He felt her body surrendered degree by degree, and he clutched her body to his own in an effort to take her weight. Never leaving her lips, he found the edge of the counter and perched her on it, pushing his body into the soft cradle of her thighs.

“Please god, don’t let me break anything this time,” she muttered almost to herself.

“Hell no. Bed. Hold on to me, baby.” Gripping her ass he lifted her and she locked her arms and legs around him. Shay nuzzled and kissed his neck as he walked, her attentions and the amount of blood headed south making him lightheaded. The hallways in his house have never seemed so long. 

Finally making it to her room, he made sure the doors were locked and then gave in to his body, diving for the bed. He rolled off of her long enough to rip off his boxers. Shay, instead of divesting herself of her own clothes, moved closer and took his into her mouth. He groaned loudly and one of her hands patted blindly up his body to cover his lips with one finger. 

He grinned wickedly before taking the finger into his mouth mimicking her movements below. He felt more than heard her small noises of approval which gave him an even better idea. Manhandling her into a new position, he stripped her sleep pants off and returned the favor. As he suspected, the sensation had her screaming out in pleasure, or it would have if it hadn’t been so muffled.

*****

After they wrecked each other thoroughly, they clambered under the covers, and Jensen pulled her up to rest on his chest. She snuggled in, a stray thought causing her to huff out a laugh.

Jensen’s voice was sleepy. “What’s so funny?”

“I was just thinking, that was a  _ way _ better ending than Vancouver.”

“Hmmm. Wait, you remember that?” He pushed up on one elbow so that he could look down at her. She laughed at the shock on his face.

“What? You thought a little cold water was gonna make me forget the first time I kissed you? I don’t think so.”

“But the next day, you said…”

“I said things were fuzzy. And they were. Even with the mess in the trash can, I kind of thought it was just a really hot dream until I got your text.”

His face went from shocked to horrified. “My- oh shit. That next day…. and you…. Jared’s right. I was a jackass. And then I left without even saying goodbye. Shay, how did you not hate me after that day?”

She rubbed her lips over the line of his jaw, enjoying the prickly whiskers there. “I knew I crossed a line. I wasn’t surprised that you didn’t want to be near me after that.”

“Didn’t want- Christ, Shay you still don’t understand do you?” His words sounded desperate, but when he touched her face, his hands were gentle. “You could have died. Your heart could have stopped while you were right in my fucking arms. Then, after that kiss, that’s when I realized. And it - it tore my goddamned world apart. It felt like loving you betrayed Daneel somehow, and I took it out on you. I am so sorry, baby.”

Her chest burned like a bolt of electricity has ricocheted through her chest, pausing her heart and lungs. 

“What is it?” he asks.

“You- you said you loved me.”

“I know. I wanted to show you. In LA. And again here, but I should have given you the words.” He wound a lock of hair around his finger. “I love you Shay.”

Everything inside of her kicked back into painful movement. A breath shuddered into her chest and a tear rolled down her cheek.

“Hey, don’t cry.” He wiped it away. “I’m not trying to pressure you, I promise.”

She shook her head, and hid her face in his neck, too embarrassed to make her request while looking at him. “Say it again?”

“I love you.” He put one hand into her hair, forcing her head back so he can see her face. 

Afraid of what he’ll see, she moved in for a kiss and moaned with the pleasure of it. One of his thick thighs shifted between her legs and she pulsed into it. His hands slid down to her breast kneading and pinching, working her arousal ever higher. Urging him atop her, she guided him inside and tried to set a breakneck pace. But he pinned her down using all of his body weight and whispered in her ear. 

“Baby, open your eyes, look at me.” She did, feeling more tears roll down her cheeks. “Should I stop?”

She gripped him within her, unwilling to let him go. “No. Please don’t.”

Keeping her pinned, he moved his hips in slow circles, “Shay, I love you.”

She whimpered his name as he continued those same small movements that sent sparks through her vision with each rotation, whispering his love for her. She felt pleasure coiling within her until the sparks took over her body, blocking out her vision, and sensation became her entire world.

When her vision cleared, Jensen is propped on his elbows above her. Sweat beaded on his brow from restraining himself, but still he holds her, stroking her hair softly. “I love you baby,” he murmured.

Reaching up Shay pulled him down, kissing him fiercely. Pushing, rolling, she straddled him quickly. She looked him in the eye before speaking. “I love you too.” 

“Shay you don’t have to say-”

“I do.” She leaned forward, never breaking rhythm, and whispered against his lips. “I loved you in LA. I loved you in Seattle. I loved you all the way back to Vancouver. I’ve been choking back those words for so long.” Her movements quickened, sensing his need for release. 

“Why?” He shifted one hand, touching her in the way he knew she needed. 

“‘Cause I knew I wasn’t supposed to. I can't give you- Oh God Jay- Jay!”

He gripped her tighter, moving faster, meeting the orgasm ripping through her with one of his own. Shay collapsed down on top of him, both of them heaving for air, not even sure who lets out the final whispered, “I love you.”


	11. May 29, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They said the words. But is that enough?

Early Monday afternoon found Jensen in the driveway, helping his sister load her family and their things into their SUV. After a last round of farewell hugs and kisses he waved as they pulled away. That’s the last of his family to leave, and with his friends mostly having departed last night, Shay and her boys are the only ones still here. Which was perfect in his mind. Despite the long weekend, there have been so many people around he hasn’t gotten to spend nearly enough time with them. Heading back, he found Shay alone in her room sorting a pile of clothes into two suitcases.

“Hey, what’s going on?” he asked, getting a tense vibe from her. 

“Nothing. Maria took the kids for some quiet time, so I thought I’d start packing.” She glanced up at him quickly. “The weekend’s ending, Jensen. It’s time to say goodbye.” She won’t meet his eyes, but the look on her face was resolved. Resolved and miserable.

He placed a hand over hers, stopping her when she tried to start folding the clothes again. “You look unhappy. Didn’t you enjoy coming out here?”

“Oh, Jensen. Of course I did. I really, really did.”

“Me too. Having you here, this weekend, it’s what I want. It’s exactly what I want.” He lifted her chin. “For the rest of my life.” He didn’t understand the pain he saw in her eyes before she looked away. 

“I-” her chest rose and fell rapidly. “I need to be outside. By the water. Please.”

“Okay, come on.” He led her through the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water on his way out to the back deck. She stood at the edge of the patio and stared at the water while her breathing gradually slowed. She took a long drink before speaking.

“Sorry. Thank you. I just-” She gestured to the lake, the general area. “It is beautiful here. I can see why you love it.” He waited, knowing she wasn’t finished. “But still, Daneel must have been an amazingly generous soul.”

“She was. I love that you can see that.”

“It’s not hard to see.”

“Why do I think you mean more than you're saying?”

“What I'm saying is that she gave you the biggest gift there is. Stepping back from her career, moving away from her family to be here with you, even though you weren’t here all the time. It’s easy for me to see it because she succeeded where I failed.”

“Shay what are you talking about? You did all those things for your husband.”

She shook her head. “I tried. But I hated it. I started to resent him for all of it. Not three days before the accident, I had called my lawyers about starting divorce proceedings.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

“Nobody does.” Turning to look at him, she said, “I love you Jensen. I do. I want to give you  _ everything _ . But I can’t. I can’t do that again. I can’t lose myself again, not even for you. I- I don’t think I’d survive. And I have more than just myself to take care of now. I-” she broke off, her tears finally catching up to her in a sob. 

He took her in his arms. “I’m not asking you to. When I said that about this weekend I didn’t mean here as in Texas. I meant here as in my home, in my life.”

“Your home and your life  _ are _ in Texas.” Her voice was muffled against his shoulder.

“Fine. I meant here in my arms.” He drew back to look at her. “Why won’t you hear me? I love you, and I want to be with you. I don’t care where that is. I can come to you just as easily.”

“You don’t want to live in LA. I’ve heard you say that over and over.”

“And Laguna Beach is not LA! You told me that. And then you showed me. It’s paradise out there. I’d be lucky to live there, to live anywhere with you!”

“But your work-”

“I don’t have to do it anymore. Well, I did sign up for one more year, but I can break that off-”

“No! You made the decision to stay because it was right for you. Don’t you dare think about going back on that now.”

He smiled at the way she defends him, even from himself. “You know, I do have to be in LA a lot for work. We could stay at your place then. Come back here for the summers. And we can both work in Vancouver, if you can stand the weather.”

Her lip trembled. “What if I’m still a terrible wife?”

Cupping her face in his hands, he wiped tears from her cheeks. “I’d lay my last dollar on the fact that you were never a terrible wife. You just weren’t what he wanted you to be. All I want you to be is you.”

Watery, hopeful eyes met his own. She jumped forward, pressing her lips to his so hard it almost hurts. 

“So Vancouver, huh?” she asked. A smile crossed her face. “Well, I did just hear about this really great school.”

He laughed out loud before kissing her again. “Anywhere, Shay. Everywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are here, reading this, THANK YOU for sticking with me. Carry On is the first story I have published in it's entirety and I am so astonishingly proud that it is finished. It's been kicking around in my head and my laptop for the last four years, growing in fits and starts. As always I'd love to hear any feedback from the readers. I hope you enjoyed!


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